Memoirs Of J

OK, I know it’s a locker room and people need to change clothes so may be briefly naked in the process, but holy shit on the slow sauntering and letting it all hang out!  Maybe I’m just more modest than most people because I don’t think you’ll ever find me bent over completely nude at the bench in the front of the locker room, dimpled ass facing door and stretch-marked tits droopingly pounding against my doughy, sweaty stomach as I towel off my thick calves.

I’ve been noticing lately how many people say mElk when they’re talking about milk. A friend told me that it’s just the Michigan accent but I don’t believe this is true since most people actually pronounce the I, not an E. I just saw a Kroger commercial that said it this way! Makes me cringe… When people ask me if I want melk, I secretly want to take their ‘melk’ and throw it at them.

I just want to curl up and hibernate through the entire holiday season.  If I had the means, I would strongly consider taking a month’s long vacation (out of country, of course) from Thanksgiving through the end of the year just to avoid the stress.

I feel kind of conflicted about my… disdain for lack of a better word for the season now that I have J around.  I want her to have fun and be happy of course so I will obviously facilitate that, but on the other hand it is the most trying time of year for me and I simply dread it.  I guess you know your youth is totally gone when you go from anticipation to dread regarding the season.

This is obvious (<===click) to anyone who is not a republican/ conservative, or anyone with a shred of common sense.

A business is not going to hire or fire based on the tax rate.  A business will hire when they need more staff in order to support their business, manufacture more widgets, whatever it is they do – regardless of the tax rate.  You could inundate them with  money and incentives to hire and guess what – they won’t hire unless their business needs actually dictate that they hire.  Business has no moral obligation to society.  They won’t just do “what’s right.”  What they can be counted on for is generating the highest returns they can for their shareholders.  And that’s fine, but it’s complete bullshit to expect a company to do anything in the interest of society as a whole because that’s not their duty.

It’s one thing to not really like someone, but another thing to flaunt how much more you care for others in one’s face.  Sure, it’s my fault because I’m not really sociable, and don’t act “correctly” in certain social gatherings but whatever…you have no idea where I’m coming from or what makes me the way I am.  There are reasons why I’m not all “bubbly” and talkative and they way people apparently prefer and revere.

So… it’s this self-perpetuating beast because I act the way I do then get reactions that reinforce my apparently shitty personality.

I think I should have joined the gym earlier.  We joined the Y about a month ago in hopes of getting into shape.  Much to the annoyance of many people I tell this to, I feel that I need to lose 20lbs.  So C and I decided when we returned from our cruise where we chowed like famished hogs that we would eat better (cut fast food, cut out soda, emphasize veggies in meals, etc) and start working out.

The eating is going decently well, I’d say.  I had already heavily reduced soda before deciding this so that wasn’t too hard.  I just drink water pretty much all the time now.  If it weren’t for my affinity for breads it’d be better…  I guess that’s my biggest weakness.

The gym is going well.  Sometimes we go together when our schedules meet up AND the tot watch is operational, but most of the time I go on my lunch or right after work before picking up J.  I’m definitely starting to tone up a bit.  My strength and endurance are improving, but most importantly I feel like I have a lot more energy so feel like actually working out more the more frequently I do it.

So… yeah.  Should have just bit the bullet and joined earlier because I probably would be sitting here thin and toned right now instead of soft and flabby.  I was justifying it before by telling myself that I would not pay a gym membership when I can just ‘work out at home’ for free.  Of course I always had excuses for not doing it, so it rarely actually happened.

I work with a lot of older people.  Supposedly over 50% of our department (of about 400 people) are people within 5 years of retirement.  So we have a lot of interesting conversations.  I have a lot of religious and political differences with these boomers, but the conversations that amuse me the most are the ones that demonstrate how – I don’t know – intolerant, for lack of a better word, they are about certain things.

For instance, I was in the elevator with a colleague when it stopped at another floor and another older (40’s I’d say) lady entered.  She had tattoos all over her calves and a couple on her shoulder.  Admittedly, showcasing your tattoos in a professional office is a bit tacky and is likely against our dress policy.  But the conversation that ensued was interesting.

Older people feel somehow compelled to comment on the characteristics of others that they don’t agree with.  “Did you see those tattoos!?  I can’t believe she had all those ugly tattoos showing- why would anyone do that?”  Fine, and I’ll grant that in the context of being in a professional work setting.  But the same comments by the same people are made outside of work settings too, which is always funny to me.

“Oh my god – look over there!  Those people are gay!!!  They’re holding hands- look, look!”

“[exasperated gasp] I can’t believe that lady is wearing that!”

“Ugh!  Did you see that guy’s long hair!?”

“I can’t believe  that woman is wearing those shoes to work.”

These are some examples of comments I’ve had the displeasure of hearing.   I mean, come on.  Why can’t people just mind their own damn business?  Why do people – particularly boomers – feel the need to judge or critique every person that walks past?

Enough with the goddamn critiques, already.  Yes, there are gay people.  Get the fuck over it.  People wear what they wear.  There’s nothing you can do about it, and it really has no bearing on your life whatsoever so get over yourself and mind your own business.

Ironically, these are the same people who don’t hesitate to bust out the old ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say…!’ meme.  It’s just great.  I love it.

I was chatting with a colleague yesterday and we somehow ended up on the topic of how she always eats whatever is served (even when she doesn’t like it) when at someone’s house because of the ‘rudeness’ factor. I say this must be a generational thing because everyone who makes this ‘it’s rude not to eat shit, if served to you, when you are a guest’ argument is old and a likely fox-news-watching, misinformed, blissfully ignorant person.

I totally disagree with this concept. From my point of view, who the fuck cares what I personally ingest for dinner? The answer should be nobody, but often it is not. Rather, apparently there are people out there who get offended if they cannot get every person at their table to eat every bit of food prepared. Look, I’m not saying you ask for something special then not eat or try it – that would be rude. But it is not rude to not gobble up every single dish served just because it is there. If a person leaves your table hungry because they personally didn’t like anything served, then guess what – it’s their problem, not yours! Why is this so hard to understand?

It’s possible that people aren’t really getting offended over this sort of thing (I know I wouldn’t be at all offended or really even care in the least if someone didn’t want to eat my dinner). Maybe it’s only that generation who was raised to be ‘polite’ with no thought to whether the actions they ascribe this word to are actually worth worrying about. Maybe it’s just them fearing that they’ll offend someone, when in actuality this is totally false and unfounded.

Who am I kidding… of course there are thousands of babyboomers offended by … well pretty much everything and anything you can think of.  They’re somehow offended.

Who cares… this ‘offended by everything’ concept with the older generation is so amusing to me. I really can’t believe the things they care about. This gives me an idea of what to write about tomorrow – stay tuned.