Memoirs Of J

I saw a commercial for how match.com is now offering social mingling events in select towns.  I find this totally confusing.  Aren’t the people using these sites the ones who do not like social  / group gatherings in the first place, thus necessitating that they meet someone in a non-traditional way?

I used the internet to meet my husband and the reason is that I was (am still) not extroverted or outgoing enough to go to, say, the public and meet someone randomly.  And even if as an introvert you somehow force yourself to do this then you’re only going to disappoint whomever you might meet when they find out you really are not the “social butterfly” you  portrayed yourself as.  Because let’s face it – asshole people automatically dislike and have contempt for anyone who is not outgoing and talkative when coming into their group.  Which, to me, is really confusing in itself because why would you be that big of a jerk to require a newly met person to be the one who has to work to impress you enough to be deemed worthy.  It’s always seemed so prejudiced to me how this works in many cases.  If you are so superior being an extrovert, then you should be the welcoming one.

I don’t know… I guess I’m probably in the minority but I’d honestly prefer to hang  out by myself reading  a book or something if the alternative is a group larger than 4-5 people.  I mean it’s weird but even if it was like 15 people I knew really well and liked hanging out with individually, I don’t want to be around them all at once.   It’s not “fright” or “shyness.”   It’s just emotionally draining and not enjoyable.

I heard a saying that if you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you are awake in someone else’s dream (roughly paraphrased).  So… either that’s true and I am extremely popular and thought about by …oh like tens of people or so (excuse me while I try to suppress my cynical-laden chokes), or I am having a new bout of anxiety and / or depressed worrying.  Yay!  I really thought I was over this shit and really have no reason to be either anxious or depressed, yet alas, here we are and I can’t pop zolofts like skittles or eagerly chug entire (or even any) bottles of wine at the moment.  Fabulous.   You know, I think if it weren’t for, um how to say this – people – yeah if it weren’t for other people I think  I would be pretty calm in general.  Unfortunately here we are with no realistic or effective way to deal with my troubling thoughts du jour, so I’m just trying to prevent myself from thinking at all by partaking in worthwhile activities such as watching Teen Mom or Hard Core Pawn.  I figure these programs must be paralyzing my mind at least a little bit.  I mean Amber’s storyline alone is enough to make any reasonable person self-lobotomize, right?  So what’s the matter with me… that’s the mystery.

I am struggling to find any time to write new blogs lately. This kid keeps staying up later and later, or I’m busy with any number of other things (like cleaning, picking up after J, constant dishes, oh and cleaning on top of more cleaning).
To think I used to actually enjoy cleaning…
Anyway, a couple thoughts before I go to bed. I hate when people don’t keep hand soap in their kitchens. Kind of skeezes me out a little bit. I also hate going into a public bathroom stall and realizing that someone just took a dump in that very stall.