Memoirs Of J

Imagine this…  You walk into a work restroom, people milling about at the sink caking on makeup and trying to tame that ratty bed of straw on their heads that they call ‘hair,’ and enter a stall that emanates such a pungent, putrid odor that it’s sickeningly obvious to you that someone just finished shitting in there.  But you can’t turn around and leave to use another stall because you rushed into it so fast (an attempt to avoid having to say hello to anyone milling about in the loo); it would just be rude, you know?  Or at the very least, peculiar.

So you basically swallow the vomit in your mouth and try not to inhale as you pull you pants down and take a seat.  It’s a good time to note that normally in a public restroom, I am a ‘hover-er.’  My ass typically does not make contact with a toilet seat at, say, a restaurant or something (especially a Taco Bell…yuck).  But at work I have to say I make an exception.  Why?  I am not sure, but I just do.  Maybe because I know it is cleaned thoroughly each night, who knows.  But this is my downfall.  Aside from having to suffocate myself while trying to avoid inhaling putrid fumes of a freshly defiled toilet, the fucking seat is still warm!  Warm!!  From some fat ass that was parked on it for probably 20 minutes while they took a huge, steaming, festering shit.  It doesn’t make you feel good (or clean) to know that your ass may as well have just touched the bare ass of the pooper directly.  It’s that intimate.

This happens to me at least once per week.  Why must people shit at work?  I propose a designated shitting restroom.

uh oh

It’s interesting to me how people who are so dogmatic in their viewpoints (particularly in regards to religion or politics) can often be heard declaring how the “other side” is stupid or idiotic.  It’d be fabulous if I had a penny for each time I heard someone call someone else an idiot solely based on the observation that the other person’s viewpoints differed from their own… I’d be filthy rich, using cash as heating fuel because hey… when you have that much what else are you going to do with it all?

The divisive “us vs. them” mentality is completely counter-productive.  Nothing has ever been resolved by bickering and name-calling like a bunch of kindergarteners who’ve missed their nap time.  The way I see it is an unwavering, unyielding, close-minded, dogmatic, stance on any issue is probably not the “correct” stance.  Reality is never extremist or totally black-and-white.  Those who are unable (or unwilling) to recognize nuance are, in my opinion, the ones of sub-par intelligence.  And no, I’m not saying ‘har har har extremists are idiots’ but instead that it isn’t exactly a hallmark of wisdom and intelligence to take a rigid, unwavering, narrow viewpoint.

Similarly, those of the mindset “if only everyone lived and thought  just like me, we’d be in a utopia,” are probably not the ones who should be doling out criticisms of the intelligence of others.  Empathy and the ability to understand (not necessarily agree with) the points of view of other people is the key to solving issues.  You can’t just selfishly sit back and say ‘this works for me, fuck ya’ll’ and expect a good outcome.  It’s insane.  This ‘my way or the highway’ attitude some people have is completely unreasonable, and in my observation it is these very people who go around espousing others as “idiots” or “stupid.”  Seriously?  Or for my urban friends,  for realz??

I supposed it is just human nature to think and act selfishly and ego-centric, at a primitive level anyway.  Maybe this is why so many people think praying works.  If you pray hard enough, things will go your way (*cough*).  What if someone equally devout is praying for the exact opposite?  Say you are praying for the snowstorm to miss your town so you don’t have to risk your life driving in it to get to work 50 miles away (valid concern, right), but your kid is praying for the storm to hit so they get a snow day and avoid the bully at school who’s been threatening him (also valid concern).

It’s baffling to me that some people can’t understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.  I’m starting to think the population is branching into two evolutionary paths as far as thought process; the ego-centric, selfish, stubborn thinking; then the more collaborative, empathetic, society-based mode of thought.  Which will win out…stay tuned for 20,000 years or so…

Men have no idea how easy they have things.  They have no idea of the delicate protocol that women must endure in life.  We’re expected go through this almost political dance of sorts with family, friends,  work, whatever.  A dance that would be completely foreign to men.  We have to do baby or wedding showers (possibly even in that order), for example, and do everything correctly.  If a friend of a friend happened to send you a baby gift 5 years ago and now they’re the ones having a baby, they’ll remember exactly what they gave and how much was spent.  You as a woman are expected to remember these details to return the favor, which may or may not ever even occur.  Women remember everything, every detail, and that sounds ok until you realize that the reason they remember so much is so that it can be used against you later in some fashion; you’ll be judged by sort of a yard stick of memories the person has chosen to compile in the back of her mind about you.  Men?  They barely remember that there was a shower (that they of course didn’t have to attend), let alone what was received and who presented it.  Men are so much more easy-going.  If a guy does something for or gives something to another guy, it will never be discussed or thought of again after the event occurs.   A guy would never sit around with bated breath waiting for his buddy to give him a gift or something, then be hurt if it doesn’t happen.  It’s annoying.

The more I think about it, the more I find thank-you notes pointless and sycophantic.  I suppose sometimes they make sense and are culturally expected and reasonable, like with wedding gifts and whatnot, but it seems that people expect a thank-you note for every gift they might give, any act they might perform, or any compliment they might utter.  It’s almost like you have to send a thank-you note  if you receive a thank-you note.  It’s a pointless clusterfuck of fake etiquette that I think I’m going to avoid.

The only reason people send thank-you notes is out of perceived obligation.  It’s rarely out of authentic gratitude.  The way I see it is if someone genuinely goes above and beyond and does something significant for you, then by all means write a nice note to show your appreciation.  But if they give you a birthday gift, for example?  Not so much…  if you receive a birthday gift, then most likely you expressed your thanks and appreciation in person upon receipt of the gift.  Why some people expect further thanks above thanks already given is where my issue lies.  It’s almost as if some people do things for others *just* to in-debt the recipient – there’s no altruism involved.  And then if you don’t  kiss their ass and shower them with hallmark cards while groveling how “I’m not worthy” at their feet, well then they are just aghast at your “rudeness.”  It’s retarded.