Memoirs Of J

So I’m sitting here watching Undercover Boss and just had an epiphany.  Well I guess it’s not an epiphany in the truest sense, but it sort of reaffirms a disposition that I’ve more or less gradually built-up.  I guess you could say that the epiphany is that I’ve realized my disposition is the correct one,  without a doubt.

Earlier this week at work, there was an all-IT employee meeting with the CIO.  It was a standard meeting overall – mostly just updates on what different groups are doing, yadda yadda yadda.  But a couple of things happened that really struck me.

First, it started off as a discussion of technology allowing us to do our jobs more effectively and transitioned into an example where she had to drop her father off at the airport since his visa wasn’t renewed or something, so she needed to say bye since she wouldn’t see him for awhile.  But during this, she was supposed to be in some  conference calls so used technology to be able to handle her job responsibilities.

Totally fine – I get it.  She’s at a very high level and I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff going on that she needs to participate in.  But on the other hand… it’s her father leaving the country.  It made me wonder if I’d want to be in that spot to have to attend to work issues all the time.

Then someone asked a question to the effect of “why would we be expected to respond to work requests while on personal vacations?”  First, I didn’t know that we were and I frankly do not known many people who do, other than manager types  Second, the response really got to me.  It was something  like “well, why would you be expected to answer a call from you family while at work – it’s the same thing.”  Yikes… I disagree.  I know this can be highly subjective, but for me personally, work and family are just not on the same plane of importance.

So tonight I’m sitting here watching the CEO of Chiquita talking about who he is and what he does, while his wife talks about how much he works.  He then wistfully ponders all the time he’s missed with his family, especially with his sons who are grown now and it’s all time he can’t get back.   They’re sitting in their mansion during this interview, pictures of their world travels  ( dad holding a cell phone up to his ear in some  photos…), talking about his sacrifices for what they have.

My only thought while watching this is “holy shit.”  I can’t believe people are willing to give up spending time with their kids, attending plays or games or whatever, in exchange for a high salary.  I can’t believe people are willing to always be “on,” having to worry about their work constantly, in exchange for a prestigious title.

All I know is that I don’t want that.  Not saying the job isn’t important – not at all.  If you are at work, you should be focused on working and your work responsibilities.  But it isn’t your life.  It isn’t your priority.  I want to be able to go home for the night and have “me” time, without having to reply to emails or phone calls.

It just seems like the more I think about it, the less desirable a management-type position.  I don’t know…maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I really doubt that even if I were a man that I’d want that.  My dad worked constantly, 60,70, 80 hours a week or more, and for what?  To miss his kids grow up?

Wow, so facebook is apparently a platform in which to air passive-aggressive frustrations and rants for all to see.

I see this practically every day.  People posting these vague, snarky comments that are clearly intended for someone to see.  The operable word is “someone.”  Not every-fucking-one.

I’ve been friended by people from high-school whom I barely (if ever) actually spoke to in school – and I’m almost 15 years out of high school!  Ok, fine.  I guess I can see friending former classmates (despite having ever really talked to them) just for the sake of being classmates.  Whatever.  My problem is that it’s these people who are the worst offenders with the whole sharing of personal vendettas on their facebook status for all to see (and if you’re me, roll your eyes at).

Needless to say, I promptly unfriend people who do this.  If I am not your real-life friend and haven’t spoken with you in years, then obviously I don’t care about your baby-daddy dramas, rehab stints, or family feuds.

Anyway, I digress.  The reason I’m thinking about this tonight is because my sister passive-aggressively posted a small rant as her status today in regards to a party that her kids were not invited to.  The problem is she knows the person responsible for the party invites is on her friend list, so would obviously see the complaint and know it was about her.  Obviously, right?

The thing is, I fully agree with my sister’s perspective on the situation.  Her point was completely true and everything she said is fact.  However, why bother putting it there knowing it will elicit a defensive response?   I don’t see the point.

Being pointless is one thing.  I read pointless things all the time, and it actually has a certain degree of entertainment value, but the person involved in the discussion (for lack of a better word) cannot fucking spell or write a coherent sentence to save her life.

So please – if you’re going to have a public argument or discussion, please do so with people who understand and use proper English.  Thank you.

Don’t believe me?  See for yourself…  This is completely devoid of punctuation or coherence.  There are numerous misspelled words.

For real

J returned home today and I am so happy. I missed that little peach and her smiling plump little cheeks! I can’t stand being away from her. It’s weird.

We had to stop at Lowe’s and Kroger today and she grinned at everyone, exclaiming “hi! hi!” I really don’t know where she gets her congeniality. It’s not from me, that’s for sure. But I really don’t think it’s from C either… even less likely it’s from him than me. If that’s possible. And I don’t know that it is.

Some words that have probably never been used to describe me: friendly, sociable, outgoing, perky, approachable.

But anyway, back to my peach. 🙂 She’s hilarious. I gave her some ravioli today for dinner. I handed her a spoon. She examined it for a second, picked up a ravioli with her finger, then placed it on the spoon. She slowly lifted the spoon towards her mouth, then suddenly she grabbed the food off the spoon with her other hand and shoved it violently into her mouth. Then she tossed the spoon aside and continued to ravenously shovel pieces of pasta into her mouth, hand over fist. She finished her entire bowl of pasta within a couple of minutes.

We may have future issues with her lack of table manners…

Tonight when I was giving J her bath, she started eating the bubbles.  I mean like devouring them ravenously.  Sure, she didn’t eat her dinner so may have been hungry for  a snack, but soap?

It’s not the first time she’s eaten soap bubbles  (or other weird, non-food substances for that matter).  If the bath water is particularly bubbly, she’ll cup the bubbles in her hands, gleefully flinging them around the tub.  After several minutes of just touching and flinging her bubbles, she’ll decide to shove a fistful of them into her mouth.

You’d think that soap bubbles would be bitter and poor-tasting.  I’m assuming that they are, but I’m honestly not about to taste them.  I’m not that interested in knowing…  So does she just really like bitter, disgusting flavors?  Perhaps… she has chewed on a lemon before, and this week at Red Lobster she actually ate part of an onion on her own volition.

Maybe she’s trying to tell me she disapproves of the meals I prepare?  I think they’re usually ok, but maybe they are not meeting the tot’s standards.  She barely touched her dinner plate today, except for grabbing fistfuls of chicken to throw to the dogs.  She tasted a green bean, but it was promptly regurgitated, then ended up a green slimy blob on her shirt for me to clean up.

After careful examination and analysis, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 most irritating things about MT.  Here’s what made the cut, in no particular order:

1. MT’s breath is rancid.  Hint:  brush your damn teeth, then use some Listerine!  Hell, you may even want to invest in some doublemint or something…
2. The way MT will rub his/her eyes and they make this squishy, disgusting sound.  Sick… I don’t need to hear your apparently excessive eye fluid squeaking around in there.  It makes me want to vomit!
3. The way MT will lean back when sitting while extending his/her arms up, hands laced behind the head.  First, everyone knows this is a classic posture of superiority or dominance, and … just no.  That makes me laugh out of pity and disdain.  Second, it reminds me of a position in which to receive a BJ which is just another horrifying image.
4. The relentless stuttering and stammering when flustered or confused, which is quite often.
5. The total lack of memory and retention.

Pretty much

Tonight, I found out what happens when you overcook bacon…

Sometimes breakfast for dinner just sounds good, and that’s what we decided to do tonight.  We had a half pack of bacon to use up, and I decided to make some Belgian waffles with blueberries.  So I put the pan on the burner and turned it to medium, arranged the bacon strips in the pan, and started preparing the waffle mix.

After having the mix ready to go and the waffle iron hot, I checked on the bacon.  It seemed to be cooking rather slowly.  I flipped each piece, turned the burner up just a tad higher, then went back to the other counter to start the waffles.

It only takes about 4 minutes for a waffle to cook.  When the first one was done, I removed it and checked the bacon again – still not quite done so I flipped it again.  In the meantime, J was in the other room screeching and crying, tears and snots running down her face all for no evident reason.  So by this time I’m a  bit flustered with her antics while trying to prepare dinner.  I knew she was hungry so I took 1/4 of the waffle I had just made and cut it up for her, along with several strawberries and delivered her plate so she could start eating.

I got her settled and eating, then went back to the kitchen to make our waffles.  But first – the bacon.  I went to the pan to remove and drain it and… SHIT!  It’s black.  I quickly grabbed the tongs and started fishing around in the pan to see if any of it was salvageable.  It was not.  Not only was it beyond black, when I grasped it with the tongs it actually liquefied!  I’ve never seen anything like this.  I totally expected it to be crisp and brittle – inedible still, but hard as a rock.

Nope!  It actually turned into a black, gelatinous blob of smelly pig fat.

I let it cool in the pan for a couple of hours then poured the mass into the garage trash bin.  Of course this whole ordeal filled the house with acrid smoke.  It still smells in here and probably will for the next couple of days.

I just saw the most annoying, irritating, cringe-inducing commercial ever broadcast in history.  No hyperbole here – it is THE worst I’ve seen to date.  If you asked me to write some commercials that would make me squirm in anger and disdain, this one would have been on my list.  Probably #3 on my list…

It’s for Listerine- that new commercial where people are loudly swishing the liquid in their mouths to the tune of Tchaikovsky’s (yes,  had to look up the spelling) 1812 Overture.  Holy shit…  I hate hearing liquids, solids, liquefied solids,  crunching, slurping, and pretty much any other repulsive mouth noise you can think of coming from anyone.  Ever.

I will not be purchasing any Listerine product until this disgusting  swishing noise leaves my mind, which very well may be never.

This weekend was busy and filled with lots of fun stuff!

On Saturday afternoon, we took J to the Country Mill orchard and cider mill.  They had goats, ducks, ponies, and chickens that J enjoyed quacking at.  She seems to call all animals “quack quack” so… yeah.  And she didn’t think the goats were all that great even though they were letting people pet them.  She liked the fowl.  We let her run around and play a little bit in the straw, then she went on the swing which she loved.

After she was sufficiently worn out, we went in the mill – it smelled fantastic in there.  Cider, donuts… yum.  We ended up getting a gallon of cider, six donuts, a container of apple cheese spread (it tastes better than it sounds), and a bottle of cherry apple wine.  They had a wine tasting counter where you could sample the three wines they make right on site – it was only $2 and you got to keep the glass so we did it.  We paid for all our stuff and went back outside to pick out pumpkins.  J loved the pumpkins and picked a small one.  So we bought two pumpkins – hers and mine, and we’ll carve them soon.

After leaving the mill, we went home to watch the MSU vs. UofM game where we enjoyed a Spartan Victory!!  We had some cheese bread from Happy’s, which was actually delicious.  Their pizza is disgusting, but the bread – yum!

Finally (for Saturday), me and a couple of friends had an evening planned at the Slaughterhouse – a haunted attraction in Fowlerville.  They put on a haunted maze, haunted hayride, and haunted barn.  Feeling a little apprehensive, we chugged some wine in the car after finding a parking spot, working up a nice buzz.  We decided we’d work our way up to the scariest thing, so would do the hayride first.  It was fun!  Not very scary -there were a couple of startlings with characters jumping up on the tractor, but mostly it was just props in the woods.  They had  a big space ship, which was … unique.

After hopping off the tractor, we went right into the corn maze.  The entrance to it was right there and there was no line at all, unlike the hayride which was maybe 30 minutes.  I was completely freaked.  The first thing you do when entering is squeeze your way through this vagina-like opening in a small shed.  Weird… then you get out and and it’s so quiet and eerie.  All you can see is corn stalks, and it was dark so we couldn’t even  see them very well.  There were lots of scares in the corn – guys jumping out and following us, little dark buildings to go through, a bridge that looked (and sounded) like a log saw.

So the maze was actually a lot of fun.  I think I was most afraid of it because I thought since it was a maze, we’d get lost and keep getting followed by freaky guys with chainsaws or something but there was really only one part of the maze where you got turned around a little.  And that part did have freaky guys with chainsaws at both paths… so we basically were shitting our pants.

We survived though and stumbled out of the corn field, on our way to the barn for the last haunt.  We waited in line for maybe 20 minutes before getting up to the front where the staff person asked us if we would mind going with the group of three behind us.  We said we didn’t want to – it’s just not as good when you have more people, and we didn’t know these people so why would we want that?  We paid $30 to do all three and wanted our frights!  She let us go alone, despite the griping from the fat chicks behind us about “waiting 6 hours” which we found retarded – yeah nice hyperbole, dorks.  If you’re next in line you have like 5 minutes.  No big deal.

The haunted barn was awesome though – right upon entering they had one of those black-light tunnels that makes you feel like you are spinning and unable to walk.  Unlike other haunted houses I’ve been to that just have you walk through a dark hallway with people dressed in black jumping out and loud bangs occasionally, this one had rooms with themes.  Right away you met satan and had to sign away your soul and put it in a bucket – of course the bucket flung open with a guy jumping out.

I don’t remember all the rooms, but one that really stood out was the movie room.  You enter a room with a tv and a couple of chairs, and a scary guy.  He tells you it’s time to watch a movie and made us sit down.  Well The Ring starts playing and we’re all screaming because that is hands-down the creepiest movie ever.  Then the tv bursts open with that long-haired girl from The Ring crawling out, strobe lights going, and next thing you know she’s right at our chair hovering.  OOh it was scary!  I think I lost my voice in this room.

The other really memorable room was the room that inflated –  we called it another vagina room.  You go in and the plastic walls just start filling with air, squeezing in.  You have to push and struggle your way through – it was intense.  I’m pretty sure we all have bruises from grabbing each other so hard.  Of course at the very end when you finally step outside again, a couple of guys in hockey masks casually step out then chase you with their chain saws.

Exhilarating…  I love haunted houses and I love this time of year!

I have Halloween on the mind!  That’s the only thing about the month of October that keeps me from being utterly depressed over the cold weather.  There are a few things I have planned for this season.

A few of us are going to The Slaughterhouse this weekend for the haunted barn, haunted corn maze, and haunted hayride.  I’m worried that I will piss myself in the haunted barn part.  But I do love my haunts… that’s what makes me look forward to this time of year every year, and it brings back a lot of really fun memories from past Halloweens!

Another event I’m anticipating is the new Saw movie.  I saw a preview the other day and it said the movie is in 3D!  Should be sweet – I can’t wait.  Not sure when it opens, but it’s a definite must-see asap.

I haven’t decided if I’ll pass out candy this year.  We have the past couple of years, but  now with J it may be hard to do, especially if I decide to take her trick-or-treating or something else.  We’ll see… I do enjoy seeing all the dressed up kids, particularly the teenagers.  I find the teens funny and usually give them extra candy.

J is probably going to be a hershey kiss a la a hand-me-down costume from my mom, who had it for the girls when they were young.  I considered an Elmo costume because the kid is so obsessed with that thing, but the only costume I found was $30, and I’m  not about to spend $30 on a toddler’s costume so….

Ugh… I’m a bit stressed out over work.  With this reorg we just went through, my new team has SO much work.  It’s a good thing to be busy, no doubt, but it’s still overwhelming knowing how much we need to get done by the end of this year.  And we don’t have all the necessary background / skills on our new team, so … that’s the scary part.    And it’s all important, high profile stuff – rates, regulatory mandates, that sort of thing.  So with that stuff, a deadline is non-negotiable.  You HAVE to meet the deadline.  I’m just a little afraid I might be in  over my head, but the good thing is our team lead is awesome, knowledgeable, and reasonable.  I’ve inherited basically three full-time jobs due to the way this reorg turned out and what people fell to which teams… just not sure how I’m going to accomplish everything, but  I guess you just do what you can do.  No worries… just a little stress 😉