So…. three month hiatus. Yes, you could call me a slacker. I’ve been very busy of course. The last few months at work have been hellishly busy due to my upcoming leave (which I am now in the midst of), then the last month I have had a newborn at home so am just… exhausted.
Today’s story is about my lovely little baby who inexplicably decided she no longer wanted to poo. Up until about 3 days ago, she was spewing copiously into nearly every diaper, sometimes filling a freshly placed diaper immediately upon placement on her butt. Well, at some point over this weekend we noticed her poo volumes trickled to almost nothing. A shart here, a streak there, but nothing substantial. Didn’t think too much of it at first because it didn’t really seem to bother her much. But then she started getting more and more flatulent, farting constantly and acting uncomfortable.
We got some gas drops from the store and I’ve taken extra care to burp her several times a feeding. Despite these efforts, she’s progressively gotten more and more upset and gassy. Last night she was clearly in pain. She couldn’t fall asleep despite having just eaten and being rocked. Eyes closing, obviously sleepy, but crying out and grimacing her face while gripping my fingers. I knew she must have to poop since she hadn’t done it all day. I felt terrible for her and nothing was working so when you don’t know what to do, you turn to google of course (yes, I am aware that the doctor should be called in serious situations but this is just gas – I’m not calling the ped for gas and farting unless it doesn’t resolve soon-ish).
I discovered that this is a pretty common problem. Common resolutions included things like warm baths to relax the baby, gently moving their legs, massaging their tummy, and stimulating their anus. Wait, what? Yeah, so apparently with a baby people are saying you can gently insert a rectal thermometer (or q-tip with vaseline) like you’re taking their temp and this stimulates the muscle and makes them go. I said, sure why the hell not. Can’t be more uncomfortable for her than this gas that is making her writhe around in agony on my lap. So I gathered up the supplies and made my way to the changing table with her.
Q-tip, vaseline, diaper, wipes, more wipes, and another handful of wipes set aside, I undressed my infant who was just looking at me curiously by this point. I called C in since I wasn’t sure how I could really hold her legs up and do the other stuff at the same time. So he came in and lifted her while I took the cotton swab to her butt. Sure enough, she let out a huge puff of noxious fumes.
I’m freaking out at this point thinking her ass is going to erupt like old faithful all over me, so I’m awkwardly holding a clean diaper in one hand and the Q-tip in the other, and tried it again. Another loud fart and a little squirt. Surprisingly, the baby is not at all upset or angry we are doing this. Some more liquid and squirt leak out and she starts tensing like she wants to try going on her own. So C starts rubbing her belly while she tries and splooooooosssshh, out flows the horrendous smelling paste like soft-serve.
It just kept coming. When it stopped, I wiped up the mess and put a couple of wipes under her thinking she would go more. And oh yes, another tense-up and belly rub resulted in more squirts. And I’m holding nothing more than one single baby wipe up against her to catch it. Lovely squishy warmth in my hand, and as I tried to wipe her clean I wiped some right onto C’s hand so he was most appreciative.
After this all went down, baby C was visibly relaxed and calm, and even happy! I got her dressed and rocked her for just a couple of minutes before she fell right asleep and stayed asleep for the typical 3 hours before having to eat again!
The things you have to do as a parent…
