a new endeavor

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So I started Karate a few weeks ago.  It’s something I didn’t really expect that I’d ever do, though I have always thought it would be awesome.  I didn’t think I had it in me to try it out … alone … story of my life.  Fear of doing things solo has always held me back.  But what happened is this.  I had been doing fitness kickboxing at the Y for a few months and I really loved it.  I started it around the time that work was insanely stressful and I was having difficulty keeping it from affecting my personal well-being.  Kickboxing is a phenomenal workout, and an even better stress reliever. So I signed up and never looked back, and reaped the benefits for several months.

Well a couple of months ago near the end of the last session I was enrolled in, I got word that the class was being discontinued.  Super bummed, I checked the registration site and yep – no sign of another session.  So I emailed the Y to ask specifically what was up.  I got a reply that the instructor was resigning and they didn’t have a backup plan, so yeah.  No more fitness kickboxing.

Well shit.  I *need* this.

So I started googling kickboxing in Lansing.  Mostly came up with actual, real martial arts classes as opposed to strictly fitness / aerobic classes like I had taken prior.  I ended up checking out a couple of dojo’s offerings and after an intro session at the school I’m currently enrolled in, I was hooked.  I loved the fact that I’d be learning actual self defense moves, as well as getting to work out with real people using focus mitts and pads and kickboards.

So here I am, enrolled in basic Karate.  I’m a white belt with one stripe.  This week is stripe testing so if all goes well, I’ll have two stripes this week.  Four stripes means belt advancement (for lower ranks, anyway) so I should be on track to advance to yellow by end of September.

The cool thing is I actually forced myself to go out and do this.  I normally shy away from getting involved in activities alone and where I don’t know anyone else.  I will admit I was pretty nervous and dreadful at first.  Sometimes I don’t feel like going.  But once I’m there and in class, that all changes and I feel like I can do it.  The people in class all seem nice so far.  It’s good to know we’re all on the same path, trying this new thing together so it’s fun.  The instructors are great too.

I guess it’s true that you normally will benefit when you force yourself to leave your comfort zone.  I’m rarely regretful that I did something…  for those few times I do follow through and actually commit and make myself do it.

Posted on August 19th 2014 in Journal

My stellar week

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Ugh, what a fucking week from hell.  I don’t know what the hell my problem is, but I’ve been super depressed and it isn’t cool.  Like not eating, not sleeping depressed 🙁

I spent the week in class for work – a supervisor institute.  While I’m grateful for the training and investment, it’s just so… draining having to interact with all these people I don’t even know.   Shocker – I’m not exactly the type to be overly… or any… participative in a group setting.  I am ultra quiet in groups, don’t really speak out or contribute that much to the entire class.  I do in small groups, but whatever.  So in one activity we were supposed to be coming up with I don’t even remember, but I said a few ideas, things I’ve seen, etc.  And what do you know!  Apparently I am invisible.  The one guy – the self appointed ‘leader’ refused to even look at or acknowledge me during our group discussions.  Then as he was writing shit on the flip chart, he says ‘what about’ blah blah, with ‘blah blah’ equaling the things I had JUST stated!  What the flying fuck.

So there was that.

Then later in the week at the end of class, I made the mistake of asking my former manager if she would be interested in being my mentor.  Clearly she doesn’t want to, but told me to call her.  I’m pretty much not going to call because it was painfully obvious that it’s a no-go.  So now I feel like a complete ass.  Yay.

On the home-front, spent the week alone for the most part.  The girls went to spend the week with their grandparents.  C worked most of the week.  Sports on Tuesday, then Wed-Fri work.  We did fit in a movie on Wednesday, which was nice, and I guess dinner on Tuesday.

Returned to the office on Friday.  Had a decent day, I suppose.  It was fairly quiet.  Still had mad anxiety and regret due to the whole mentoring fiasco from the day before so I ordered a refill of my script for xanax.

That should help.

I have to do a presentation in a couple of weeks for work.  Fabulous.  My *favorite* thing to do.  Strangely, the fact that we have a two-day offsite /overnight is stressing me out more than the presentation itself.  Why?  Pretty sure it is the social expectations that accompany this offsite thing.  One silver lining- alcohol is allowed (and provided!) after business hours.  Maybe, just maybe, that will help coax out the microscopic social butterfly within.

 

 

Posted on August 15th 2014 in Journal