Memoirs Of J

I think I am going insane.  The other night, in the throes of inexplicable insomnia, I started image googling the word ‘queef.’  It was just out of curiosity; me wondering what sorts of images could exist for a queef (keep in mind this was at 1am with me only partially functioning on minimal sleep for the past 2 months).  Bottom line,  it’s pretty damn hilarious.  Go ahead and try it.  My favorite was this image of Toby Queef.

A poor, yet hilarious, photoshop

I texted several choice images to my sister immediately, deliriously laughing my ass off so hard I had tears.  That’s a good thing though, since tears of delirium are far preferable to the depression tears that I’m pretty much constantly fighting to hold back.  So hey, I’m going to go do some more funny google image searches now.

When I was in elementary school, my report cards contained comments from my teachers such as “courteous and cooperative; good listener.”  But I feel like nobody listens to a word I say.  Basically 90% of people talk at me like I am a trash receptacle for their stories that I’ve without a doubt heard countless times over already.  Even strangers I somehow, inexplicably, end up in conversation with talk, talk, talk and I can’t get a word in edgewise.  And people wonder why I am “shy.”  It’s not shyness, dipshits, it’s because I gave up long ago after learning no one is interested in anything I say and are, instead,  just looking for someone to talk at, and since I am generally a quiet person  I fit the bill.  They like it when I ask questions about their stories or them, etc., as a good little listener will do, but there’s no reciprocation.  And when I do attempt to say something, I can tell all they’re doing is formulating what they’re going to say next, rather than actually listening.  Sometimes they actually interrupt me, which infuriates me.  So that’s why I am so quiet, ladies and gents, the secret is out.  It’s not a conversation if it is one-sided, which seems to be the case almost always.  I don’ t know why this is bothering me so much right now… I suppose lack of sleep since it’s been, oh, literally 2 months since I’ve had anything remotely close to a decent sleep and am just running on fumes at this point.  I have no patience, no contentment, no real feelings whatsoever.  I have barely left the house.  I feel like a zombie just going through the same motions day after day.  I had a dream last night (at some point during the one of three total hours I actually slept last night) that I was hanging off the edge of a cliff and everyone I know was standing nearby socializing and chatting with each other, totally oblivious that I was about to plunge over.  I mean, fuck, nobody will even read this.  This is exactly what I mean – who gives a shit.  A very small minority, I can tell you that.