Memoirs Of J

Ugh, what a fucking week from hell.  I don’t know what the hell my problem is, but I’ve been super depressed and it isn’t cool.  Like not eating, not sleeping depressed 🙁

I spent the week in class for work – a supervisor institute.  While I’m grateful for the training and investment, it’s just so… draining having to interact with all these people I don’t even know.   Shocker – I’m not exactly the type to be overly… or any… participative in a group setting.  I am ultra quiet in groups, don’t really speak out or contribute that much to the entire class.  I do in small groups, but whatever.  So in one activity we were supposed to be coming up with I don’t even remember, but I said a few ideas, things I’ve seen, etc.  And what do you know!  Apparently I am invisible.  The one guy – the self appointed ‘leader’ refused to even look at or acknowledge me during our group discussions.  Then as he was writing shit on the flip chart, he says ‘what about’ blah blah, with ‘blah blah’ equaling the things I had JUST stated!  What the flying fuck.

So there was that.

Then later in the week at the end of class, I made the mistake of asking my former manager if she would be interested in being my mentor.  Clearly she doesn’t want to, but told me to call her.  I’m pretty much not going to call because it was painfully obvious that it’s a no-go.  So now I feel like a complete ass.  Yay.

On the home-front, spent the week alone for the most part.  The girls went to spend the week with their grandparents.  C worked most of the week.  Sports on Tuesday, then Wed-Fri work.  We did fit in a movie on Wednesday, which was nice, and I guess dinner on Tuesday.

Returned to the office on Friday.  Had a decent day, I suppose.  It was fairly quiet.  Still had mad anxiety and regret due to the whole mentoring fiasco from the day before so I ordered a refill of my script for xanax.

That should help.

I have to do a presentation in a couple of weeks for work.  Fabulous.  My *favorite* thing to do.  Strangely, the fact that we have a two-day offsite /overnight is stressing me out more than the presentation itself.  Why?  Pretty sure it is the social expectations that accompany this offsite thing.  One silver lining- alcohol is allowed (and provided!) after business hours.  Maybe, just maybe, that will help coax out the microscopic social butterfly within.