Sometimes when I’m in the passenger’s seat in a car, I stare at my face in the side mirror. I guess I’m a little obsessed with facial symmetry, particularly because I don’t have it. I will move my head enough to the left that only one side shows. I think to myself, “well that wouldn’t be so bad,” then I move back to center and gag. Then I’ll tilt my head to the right so I only see the left. “Well, that wouldn’t be bad at all – maybe even attractive,” I ponder. But snap, back to reality. The two sides, while each being OK independently, don’t complement each other. Not at all.
I decided that I prefer the left side (my left, so everyone else’s right), the reason being my brow area. The brow isn’t jutted forward, kind of like it is on a neanderthal. That’s what my right brow reminds me of. I don’t know, it’s sort of “meaty” on the right, like you can’t see my actual eyelid unless I push my eyebrow up with my hand.
That’s probably the most prominent example of asymmetry with me. If it weren’t for that, I think it would be so minor that nobody would really notice. My friends tell me that this is all in my head, but I’ve studied it enough to know better. Or maybe I think I know because I have studied it so much, resulting in that phenomenon of seeing what you want to see. Not that I want to be asymmetrical, but I do like to be right. Besides, I’m always searching for explanations of why I have been so damn unpopular all my life.
And really, that’s all it is. I’m happy with my life but am still searching for explanations of various events in my life, for example, having such a small number of friends that I can count them on one hand, not having a single date in high school and only maybe 5 all through college. College! On a campus of 40,000 people, I had five dates and only a few friends. I mean what’s up with that? It’s just not normal. Sure, it turned out pretty perfect anyway so why should I care? But I’m just curious – I can’t let things go.
