Memoirs Of J

I normally make a concerted effort to avoid the bathroom at work as much as possible.  Of course it’s pretty much impossible to be there all day and not have to pee (especially when you have a nice big glass of iced tea every morning).  So today when I finally decided that I was about to pee my pants, I chose the 4th stall.  This is not my normal stall since it is sort of the  unspoken reserved stall for the poopers.  But stall #1 actually had someone taking a horrendous, putrid dump so I was making an attempt to be as far as possible from the fumes.

First thing to note – there was a rolled up magazine gingerly resting on the back of the toilet seat, propped up against the wall.  That’s disgusting.  Who would read this magazine which is clearly covered in fecal germs? It had probably touched someone’s bare ass at some point, too.

Second thing to note – there was a  Woman’s Day magazine lying on the floor next to the toilet with a sticker “Please Leave In The Restroom!”  So someone not only takes the time to bring magazines from home to the work bathrooms, but they go to lengths to make homemade labels (complete with pretty font colors and italics) instructing other toilet squatters to leave the magazines there.  Right there on the floor next to the pot collecting the millions of germs that violently fly out of the toilet every time it flushes.  I mean I guess if you are going  to take a pair of latex gloves into the loo with you, sure.  But otherwise  I would not touch these magazines.

Third thing to note – there was a piece of floss danging over the side of the toilet seat, not quite long enough to touch the water.  Someone was actually FLOSSING WHILE SHITTING!!!  Sure, multitasking is a great thing, but seriously – it’s never acceptable to mix mouth and ass activities.