Memoirs Of J

A few days ago I was in a big meeting, auditorium sized.  I didn’t know most of the people there, though I’d seen a lot of them around.  There’s one guy that I have seen around a couple of times – I think in the elevator then again in this meeting, and I was scared shitless.  Here’s why.

Creep looks like a serial killer.  He’s an older guy, maybe 45 or so – short in stature, and speaks with a very soft, quiet voice if at all.  He’s as white as flour with thinning gray stringy hair slicked straight back, yet you can see his bald patch shining through.  His skin is overly blotchy – maybe rosacea – and it looks kind of like he’s wearing bright pink blush on his cheeks.  His breath is atrocious, smelling sort of like fresh shit-brewed swamp coffee with a few teaspoons of sulfur and liquid smoke added.

You may be wondering how I know what his breath smells like if I’ve only seen him on occasion.  Well, I’ll tell you.  He practically spoons you in the elevator.  It’s disgusting.  If you do manage to stand in a far corner against the wall his eyes are just blankly fixated on you, which of course causes a bit of mental discomfort.  Seriously, most of the time when you catch someone staring at you  they’ll either smile politely and maybe even say something, or they’ll quickly avert their gaze.  Not creep!  No, he creepily stays fixated with his entire face motionless, blank.  God, it’s so weird.

And to top it off, I happened to see him sitting in this meeting and he had his fucking legs crossed daintily.  Ugh, I’m shuddering at the image.  I hate when guys cross their legs.  It makes me wonder if they’ve got their package tucked up there like that guy in Silence of the Lambs.

Here, I drew this in Paint so you can get some idea of the creepiness.  Forgive my artistic talents 🙂

scary person