I think I’ve alluded to this before in one of my really old blogs, but it is a phenomenon that needs attention so I’m addressing it again.
Mothers of sons do not like the son’s significant other. There is always something wrong with the girl, in mom’s eyes.
The reason I bring this up is because today my mom mentioned she felt bad because she thinks she hurt my brother’s feelings by asking him if he was still dating that “bimbo” girl (or something to that effect). And he of course is, so I imagine the awkwardness…
This isn’t an isolated or uncommon thing though; in fact I believe it is very common amongst mothers. I work with several people with sons who are dating girls that the mother disapproves of for whatever reason. For instance, I’ve heard bitchiness, ugliness, not being friendly, being controlling, not having a good enough education or job, and not being fun cited as excuses for the disdain. *No, I’m not saying my anecdotes are solid proof of anything. It’s just something that I’ve seen enough to wonder about it. Of course there are exceptions, and yes, I’ve seen other moms who adore the girl the son is with.
I’ve even been victim to this negativity myself. My downfall is that I’m not “bubbly” or outgoing enough. But what can I do though – I’m not little miss congeniality, and I rarely have much to say in groups (read: families) because I tend to be very introverted. Is this enough to make me not good enough for someone? I mean everyone has their weaknesses, and I will be the first to admit mine (hard to get to know, generally quiet, introverted, cynical, unattractive, to name a just few), but on the other hand I am funny, smart, loyal, self-sufficient, and have a great education and job.
So what qualities hold the most weight? Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart, but I really believe *most* people have more positive traits than negative ones. Do the fewer negatives tend to outweigh all of the positives combined, as to lead to an overall negative opinion?
Or do people simply put the most weight on whatever will support their predetermined or desired opinion, which in the case of a mom of a son is to not want to “lose” their baby to another woman because she thinks nobody will be as good as taking care of him as she is / was? So before even knowing the girl and barring any legitimate reason (say, she’s a prostitute, criminal, or something else that would justify being off-put by her), the impression is already decided – she’s just not good enough. I mean I don’t know, that’s just a hypothesis. In my personal history, I’ve assumed physical appearance is an excuse because I’m not they all-american blond, perky little cheerleader.
I don’t know. I’ve been off my zoloft for a few days now so it’s making me feel weird and pensive. I got my refill today though so I should be all set in a day or two…
