Memoirs Of J

Taco Bell has this new chicken flat-bread sandwich – you’ve probably seen the commercials.  We each tried one a couple of weeks ago on our way home from picking up J.  I thought it was really good …at the time.  The bread is soft and light, and the chicken / cheese combination was very spicy.  So I was happy with the prospect of a new taco bell item that I’d actually like (you know, since I don’t care for beans, sauces, creams, most meats, condiments of any kind, etc).  Right now, I’m limited to either the standard crunchy taco, or the chicken soft taco minus the ranch and all the other shit I don’t like.  And you CAN’T special order at taco bell and expect it to come out as you’ve ordered…  so basically that leaves me with the crunchy taco.  Now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing as the crunchy taco is quite delicious.  In fact, it is the only beef I’ll ever eat!  But sometimes you feel like mixing it up a little, and I can’t at this particular eatery…

So the new taco bell item was exciting to me.  Fast forward another week…  we went to a different taco bell and I ordered the chicken flat-bread.  I took a couple of bites and tasted something funny…there was a mother-f-ing sauce in it!  Sauce!!  I suspected something ranch based but C said that it was not ranch.  Sure enough, upon inspection there was some sort of pinkish cream drizzled onto my chicken and cheese.  I was sickened.  The commercial explicitly states that it is a simple flat-bread with chicken and cheese filling.  There was no mention of sauce!

I went home and researched the blogosphere – it turns out that the identity of the sauce is the worst possible outcome.  Mayonnaise – it’s fucking mayo based chipotle sauce!  Why do restaurants always need to ruin food with mayo products!?!?!

I may try the sandwich again, only I’d have to order without the sauce.  And that’s very risky, very risky indeed.  It’s risky enough special ordering the chicken soft taco without the ranch, but to risk biting into mayo is a vile, disgusting scenario that I want no part of.

AW HELLZ NAW!!!