I’m so sick of fake- titted, Hollister-wearing, bleach haired, anorexic, fake eye-lashed, binge-drinking young “women.” Living near a college town is wonderful if you’re a horny old perv or a frat boy. These girls will put out after the first free 7&7. But for me, I puke at the sight of them strutting around in their gaggles of skanks at the mall. The reason this is relevant now is that – gag- it’s holiday season so crunch time is on to finish up the shopping.
Yes, I could shop mostly, or even exclusively, online, thereby avoiding the crowds and hookeresque girls at the mall. I’m trying to be realistic though. I’m a procrastinator. I have yet to purchase a single gift and it is 12/02. If the past is any indication, I won’t feel compelled to act on the need to shop until at least another two weeks.
And when I start, I will start slowly. It’s almost as if I resist as long as possible in hopes of holding onto my denial of the most stressful time of year (no, it’s not classified as this because of gifts; think more along the lines of family-related stresses, guilt, and so forth).
So a gift will be purchased on a casual outing. Maybe a couple more will trickle in. These gifts will be purchased online – most likely amazon.com. But we’ll get down to the wire and I’ll realize that I’m only about 50% finished and in need of at least one more gift for each loved one. Stress and panic will set in, and in sheer desperation I’ll go to the mall the weekend before Christmas because at this point it just isn’t practical to purchase online – way too late in the game.
Not only will there be zero parking, leaving me circling the parking lots, following shoppers exiting the building like a vulture, but once I actually get inside I’ll be gasping for air while suffocating in the hoards of equally frazzled shoppers. Add mile-long lines, obnoxiously blaring Christmas tunes, noise in general, hell, just people in general….
Having to contend with sorostitutes sauntering around the M.A.C. counter on top of all this is just not fair. That’s all.
