Memoirs Of J

People keep asking me when we’re having another kid.  My default response is to laugh incredulously, then tell the person asking that he/she is effing nuts.  But all this questioning has really got me thinking – do I ever actually want another baby?

I kind of always assumed that I would have two eventually,  even though I always told people I only wanted one kid…but then again I also envisioned having a boy & was more or less OK with a boy being an only child.  Not sure why having a daughter makes me less inclined to want an only child…  I’m confusing, yes.

On one hand, I love my little J bug so much that I can’t really imagine another one because how could I possibly be this enamored with another kid?  It’s almost like I’d be betraying her, sort of.  But on the other hand, I’ve known some ‘only children’ and they were just strange individuals.  Having siblings to play with and bond with is a good thing, no doubt about it.

But then again, the whole infant thing is very stressful – night wakings, basically 24-7 attention demands, and being pretty much confined home because it’s just difficult to take a baby anywhere.  I mean with J, I was always concerned with her feeding schedule because I breastfed her, and not that I was embarrassed or anything like that, I just didn’t like the prospect of whipping my boobs out in the mall or a restaurant or something.

Oh then there would be the whole expense of multiple kids.  The expense is worth it, for sure, but I don’t know how people can have kid upon kid without going broke.  Daycare is ridiculous, and we intend to pay for college (which will be even more obscene).

I don’t know…  just pondering lately.  I’m not even sure what I want, or even what C thinks at this point.  And I don’t think either of us is in much of a hurry to figure it out!