Memoirs Of J

Ok, what is it with some people and the inability to discern between private conversations and non-private conversations?   It happens in personal and in work relationships, and I know it isn’t just happening to me.  Here’s the thing – if I say something to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean I would say the same thing to or in front of others.  So don’t repeat that shit “on my behalf.”

So naturally, when I’m talking with someone privately I don’t expect them to blab what I said to anyone else, ESPECIALLY the person(s) we were discussing in said private conversation.  I’m not saying I am gossiping and talking negatively about people (well ok I do from time to time, but that’s not the situation I’m referring to now), but if I give a candid opinion about something in private, then do not repeat that opinion on my behalf.  If I want someone to know my opinion, I will provide my opinion.

For example (and this is completely hypothetical and fictional) –  say I tell C I do not like my dad’s pork roast and was concerned that he would be cooking this for a holiday meal.  Now if we have dinner with my dad and he prepares a pork roast, then I take none or a tiny amount, C should not interject into the conversation “She thinks your meat is nasty.”  He should say nothing.

Similarly, one should not use information from a private conversation to scapegoat or concoct an excuse when attempting to avoid something.  For example (again, completely made-up), say I tell friend X that I do not want to have our monthly get-together at Y’s house because I hate her cat.  Friend X agrees in private that this cat is f-ing irritating and doesn’t want to be near it either.  Later when discussing a meet-up amongst the three of us, Y suggests her house.  Friend X then says “Well, I don’t really care where we go, but J hates your cat, so…”  What the fuck?  You just don’t do that!

So here’s a tip.  If the sentence you are formulating in your head and getting ready to speak starts with “{person} thinks /doesn’t want / likes / doesn’t like / some other verb, then just shut up and keep it to yourself.  You probably have very low E.Q.  Go read a book and develop a filter and some tact.