I finished cleaning out my closet today and ended up with two bags full of clothes to donate to the Goodwill. Several of the items were just old; several no longer fit. I pulled out a couple of my business suits that were hanging in the back of the closet, covered in dust since I haven’t had a need to wear a business suit in years. I peeked at the labels just because I couldn’t remember what size they were. Holy crap, my blue suit (dress-suit with a long jacket) was a size 3. The black one (my favorite) was a size 2 skirt and a small jacket. I held the black skirt up and was shocked at how narrow the thing was – it looked like it would fit the thigh of an average man.
Sigh….
I am no longer a size 2/3, or even a 5. Granted, I used to push the scales at a whopping 98 lbs at the time I wore these clothes, but still. It sucks to hold up something that used to fit perfectly and know that there’s no way I’ll ever fit into it again.
I’m not overweight. My BMI is in the ‘normal’ range. But I think I actually preferred being underweight. It gave me a little more freedom. I don’t want to have to worry about everything I eat or drink because of the calories. When you’re underweight, you can use the extra calories every now and again so no big deal.
The biggest concern, however, is that as you move up the ‘normal’ range, you start approaching that ‘overweight’ bucket, which is a place I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be like the 63% of Americans who are classified as overweight or worse. I feel embarrassed that the US is so fat, and how we’re viewed by the rest of the world. Being fat, it’s like you just gave up. To me, it’s just like this symbol of apathy and I don’t find this trait virtuous or desirable. I know it is very hard to lose weight, and I’m not trying to offend anyone. All I’m saying is I don’t want to get to the point where I need to try to lose weight. I don’t want to be judged for yet another thing. Let me put it this way: I’ve heard people refer to some fat girls like “oh she’d be really pretty if she lost weight.” Well for me, they wouldn’t be saying that so it would be like a double whammy.
I am pretty sure having a kid actually changed my bone structure, widening my hips permanently. I know there’s some fat on my ass too but I’m working to get rid of that. Jillian’s 30-day-shred, baby!
