Imagine this… You walk into a work restroom, people milling about at the sink caking on makeup and trying to tame that ratty bed of straw on their heads that they call ‘hair,’ and enter a stall that emanates such a pungent, putrid odor that it’s sickeningly obvious to you that someone just finished shitting in there. But you can’t turn around and leave to use another stall because you rushed into it so fast (an attempt to avoid having to say hello to anyone milling about in the loo); it would just be rude, you know? Or at the very least, peculiar.
So you basically swallow the vomit in your mouth and try not to inhale as you pull you pants down and take a seat. It’s a good time to note that normally in a public restroom, I am a ‘hover-er.’ My ass typically does not make contact with a toilet seat at, say, a restaurant or something (especially a Taco Bell…yuck). But at work I have to say I make an exception. Why? I am not sure, but I just do. Maybe because I know it is cleaned thoroughly each night, who knows. But this is my downfall. Aside from having to suffocate myself while trying to avoid inhaling putrid fumes of a freshly defiled toilet, the fucking seat is still warm! Warm!! From some fat ass that was parked on it for probably 20 minutes while they took a huge, steaming, festering shit. It doesn’t make you feel good (or clean) to know that your ass may as well have just touched the bare ass of the pooper directly. It’s that intimate.
This happens to me at least once per week. Why must people shit at work? I propose a designated shitting restroom.
uh oh
