I was chatting with my friend C recently about an upcoming ‘family getaway’ she is basically being forced to attend. Her in-laws had the brilliant idea of renting a cabin in some remote area up north (read: they will be stuck there exclusively) for an entire week! She understandably is not looking forward to it, mainly due to the fact that she is highly introverted and has two young children who are not easy to cart all around as it is, let alone for several hours in the car to drive up north.
So of course we are commiserating for awhile, then she starts telling me about this email she received from her MIL that was addressed specifically to her and the other daughter-in-law regarding how she is giving everyone food assignments (what to bring) and that they will be allocated to prepare the meals on certain days. Uh, what? I of course agreed with C that this should have been addressed to the actual sons. She then told me how nobody there likes her cooking, as evidenced by when she’s asked to bring something to a holiday or whatever and nobody touches it. I don’t offend easily, but I agree with her here- that’s offensive. If you ask someone specifically to bring a pie, for example, then expect her pie to be the one served. Do not go ahead and make your own pie regardless so now there’s too much pie and nobody is touching the pie she made (in vain). It’s retarded.
This conversation led me to bring up a bigger point, however, and that is that it should not be the girls doing all this extra shit. It should be the MIL’s own sons being asked to do these things. Likewise, I would expect that if they were going with her family vs his, then she would be the one expected to help with the cooking or cleaning or whatever; not the husband in this case.
It’s just weird. I mean if I am at someone else’s house I will not be doing their dishes nor will I be cooking anything in their kitchen. It’s not my house, I am not familiar with where things are or go and it’s just an awkward situation all around. Meanwhile, all the guys scurry off and nobody thinks twice about that. No, it’s rude if you possess a vagina and are not washing up dishes after everyone else like some kind of 19th century maid. If you have a penis, you are incapable of being expected to wash a dish. All the passive-aggressive thoughts and glares are cast towards the vaginas while the penises are sleeping on the couch. Um, no. Not gonna fly.
I can only assume it’s some weird generational thing. I really don’t think I will take this position when I am old enough to have married kids. If I were hosting some event at my house, then I would fully expect my own children to be pitching in cooking or cleaning, not their spouses. Male or female, I don’t care. A son can cook or clean or vacuum just as well as a daughter, and conversely a daughter should know how to mow a lawn, for example.
I guess I just think of it like this – your family, your house, you’re doing it. I don’t believe in the concept of a ‘woman’s place,’ especially if that place equals the kitchen. Especially for someone like me who really doesn’t care about having huge meals or varieties. I’d be happy with serving hot pockets on paper plates. Formality and generational traditions just do not sit well with me.
It’s totally nuts and has bothered me since I was very young. I remember going to my grandparents for a holiday or whatever and after the meals, my dad and uncles would all retreat to the pool table leaving their spouses to clean up after the restaurant-sized food preparation that they necessitated because they eat like famished elephants! Well that’s some bullshit right there.
So good luck to you, C. I hope you give a good talking to B before you get there so he knows what’s up 😉
