Memoirs Of J

Little J has been very amusing lately.  She’s talking non-stop, which in itself isn’t a great characteristic considering we are a family of quiet introverts.  Nonetheless, she’s a fun kid and the dialogue can be quiet entertaining.

For example, we regularly visit the park near our house to take walks in the woods.  They have a pretty nice trail system, well maintained and not a lot of people use it so it’s a peaceful little spot to take a break.  J likes to try to find animals and play with sticks and leaves and so forth.  She always likes to pick up sticks to drag along and use to whack at weeds.  On a recent stroll, she grabbed a stick and ran ahead.

“Mommy!  Look at my big dick!” she exclaimed.

“Whoa, what?!”  I choked.

“MY.  BIG.  DICK,” she calmly explained, staring at me with frustration and disdain.

Oh, oh…she’s just saying stick.  Stick is what she means, I realized.

“Oh, ok – you found a big stick.  That’s awesome!”

“YES!’ she confirmed, clearly annoyed at my lack of understanding.

Oy vey…

Then tonight after her bath, we were playing pirate.  Pirate is just where we talk like pirates, meaning we say a lot of “arrr’s” and “ayyye’s.”  She usually takes it to the point of making up ridiculous scenarios, usually involving getting stuck in mud and needing to be saved.  Tonight though, we ended up talking about the pirate climbing up a tree to get the parrot back.

“Arrrggh!  Where’s my parrot!?” she cried.

“Ayye he’s up in the tree!  Go get him!” I ordered.

“NO!  There’s a pirate up there!  Oh, he came in my hand!” she cried, holding her hand out to me, wanting  me to look in her palm.

I choke and start laughing.  She obviously doesn’t have any idea why I’m laughing.  She was  just trying to say the pirate came down out of the tree and she caught him.  I, being a hugely inappropriate person, had to take it ‘that way,’ thereby ruining our improv session.  I had to end it and tell her it was time to pick a book for her bedtime story.