Memoirs Of J

I was organizing the medicine cabinet today.  Well, OK, organizing in this case (OK, OK, any case) means shoving stuff into the cabinet and quickly shutting the door before the bottles precariously teetering on the edge of the shelf crash down onto the counter.  Anyway, I found two bottles of Tums and then it occurred to me.  I am soooo glad I am no longer pregnant.  I mean, god, it is so nice knowing I’m done with that F O R E V E R.  The heartburn, the constant peeing, the whole-body-discomfort.

Even better, the little one is finally sleeping decently well at night so I am no longer a zombie.  I typically get her to bed by 7:30 or 8, then she sleeps until 4 or 5, which is exponentially better than the hourly screaming of just a couple of weeks ago.  Just when I thought it would never improve and my outlook was super bleak, it seemed to suddenly turn around.

Well…  in a strange way, this makes me a little sad. I’m not planning on ever having another baby – a baby to cuddle and rock and soothe.  So I’m trying to savor my moments with C as baby, hard as they are sometimes.  It seems like J went from wiggling baby to precocious preschooler in an instant.  I know it sounds cliche and everyone’s always telling you that, as a mom of young children, but it is so true.

When I was tucking in J tonight, she was frustrating me because every time I stood up to leave her bed, she yelled, “mommy, I want just one more kiss!” and kept doing this several times, and grabbing onto me tightly.  She’s really into eskimo kisses these days, so had her nose planted on mine while giggling her head off.  I couldn’t leave her room until I’d convinced her that if she didn’t go to sleep, she’d be too tired to go shopping tomorrow.  So I got away and and went to the kitchen to do dishes and there she appears, standing behind me at the kitchen sink asking for yet another hug and kiss goodnight.  I initially wanted to yell at her to get her butt back in bed, but I’m looking at how genuine, hopeful,  and happy she is just by anticipating a hug so I just scooped her up and covered her face in kisses then told her to go back to bed, which she did.  It makes me sad thinking how in just a few years she’ll probably want to avoid hugging or kissing me at all.