Memoirs Of J

I was chatting with my (very awesome) boss the other day about our team vs some of the other teams we work with, and how his philosophy is to use positive reinforcement rather than punishing/ embarrassment – or worse, passive-aggressiveness when dealing with employee behaviors.

I’ve definitely already realized before that positive reinforcement is far more effective in producing  the behaviors you desire in almost any setting, but this conversation got me thinking of how much in my non-work life people utilize the passive-aggressive angle more than anything else, and hardly anyone exhibits positive reinforcement philosophy.

It’s so elegantly simple.    I mean, this is how you train dogs effectively so it’s clearly on the most primal level that it just works to reward for the things you like, and ignore what you don’t.  Punishing always has a negative effect.  Punish a dog for peeing on the floor?  He’ll continue to pee but will learn to do it out of your sight instead.   Same goes with people – they won’t change the behavior but instead will either hide it from you,  or just avoid you altogether.

That’s actually what I feel like doing with certain people in my life.  Let me pose this question – if every time you are around a certain person, they talk disparagingly about pretty much everyone else you both know, critiquing their actions or decisions – isn’t it pretty safe to say with certainty that they are doing the same about you when you are not present?  Yes, yes it is.  I mean it really makes you wonder what is being said about you, doesn’t  it?

It’s not only passive aggressive, but rude.  And I mean truly rude, not just “rude” like what you are being called for not taking petty actions that they expect but never say outright or ask for.     So how to remedy this situation…  hmm, well just avoid the perpetrators, correct?  I mean if they’re going to critique regardless, you may as well save yourself some stress by avoiding the awkwardness and passive-aggressiveness, no?

But it’s always people of the ‘boomer’ generation doing this, and you really can’t avoid them.  I work with like 70% boomers.  They do this constantly.  And it’s  not only in the office — they are everywhere, leaving a huge wake of misguided critiques and judgements behind…

It’s like they have some secret check-list in their mind of what you should be doing per their arbitrary “standards” and if you don’t meet these requirements, you are negatively judged but you don’t really know why or what you did, and it just leaves you confused as to why they can’t just fucking ask you to do what they want.  They’ll instead seethe silently as you fail to meet their criteria of a worthy individual, then when you leave they’ll comment to all who remain in their presence about what you did or did not do correctly.    Well, I mean fuck this.  I’m sick of it.  Either reinforce what you want/like, or reinforce me to just remove myself from this bullshit altogether.

Oh also – the standards cannot vary person to person.  If you’re going to critique a particular action, then it applies to everyone.  Not just certain people.  Be congruent.

And yes, I do realize this post is overtly passive-aggressive.  Hypocrisy notwithstanding, it just needed to be said.  The problem, however is that if I were to actually broach the topic in person then that in and of itself would be more fodder for the very critiques I’d be addressing!  So basically I just find the situation hopeless.

Someone at work told me that toilet training for girls is “harder” than toilet training for boys.  I gave it no thought because I assumed that either boy or girl, the kid would catch on quickly because-let’s face it- who wants shit all mushed up in their ass, right?

Well J was doing pretty well with it a couple of weeks ago.  She told me she had to go potty regularly.  Too regularly, even.  She was asking to sit on the pot several times an hour, so maybe she thought it was liberating being diaperless.  Either that, or she was just amused by watching me hop around like a crack monkey cheering and clapping every time I heard the slightest piddle come out of her.  But at least she was going most of the time, and at the very least she was (I thought) understanding what you are supposed to do on a toilet.

Well the last couple of weeks she has totally regressed.  No asking to go to the bathroom, and an adamant “NO!” when asked if she needs to go potty.  Instead, she craps herself a horrifying mess in her pants then saunters over to me bow-legged with a concerned expression to tell me “I pooooooped.”

I nearly vomit trying to wipe the huge sticky mass out of her butt as she’s squirming all over giggling.  I think she’s just screwing with me and likes to watch me try to hold back my gags while exclaiming “oh my god! oh my god, Julia!”  It’s much worse with a near 3-year-old than it was with an infant.  Infants lie there cooperating with the butt wiping, or at least if they don’t lie still they weigh nothing and are quite easy to keep in position.  It’s a lot different with a rambunctious 3 year old writhing everywhere laughing and kicking you in the face.

Last week, an entire turd rolled out of her diaper when I opened it because of her squirms.  A turd rolled right onto her bed, grazed my BARE HAND, and left a faint brown streak on her blue star sheet.  So now there’s a comet of shit on her sheet, and I’m freaking out because of touching a piece of crap while she’s screeching “OH NO! OH NO!” at the brown ball under her leg.

So I hope she gets back on track soon.

Here’s some evidence to support my assertion that ignorance is “cool.”  I don’t even know how I would really characterize or define this culture except to say acting educated is viewed unfavorably, acting “white” is viewed unfavorably (even if you are white), and where incarceration, unemployment, welfare / food stamps, and drugs are just accepted as the norm.  This isn’t about race or politics.  I’m not saying “oh it’s the blacks” like right-wing pundits tend to do because I think there may actually be more whites acting like this, nor am I saying this is the result of “liberal” political policies because I don’t believe it stems from any social policy whatsoever (plus… I’m a liberal myself and we actually like education and responsibility quite a bit).

No, I don’t think it has anything to do with anything other than the fact that, frankly, many people are idiots and would prefer to impress other idiots rather than – I don’t know – impress an employer or something.  It’s just like this really weird, incomprehensible subculture that nobody on the outside can even begin to understand.  I mean it’s almost like you have to try – really, really hard – to act this ignorant.   That said, enjoy these gems of hope for the future:

These are all by separate people….er, I mean “peeps.”

Particularly egregious is when you hear someone say, “oh, that’s how he do it!”  Or something like, “that’s what she do!”  I hear something along those lines pretty much on a daily basis.  Learn how to conjugate.  That is all.

I’ve been having weird dreams lately only they’re not just dreams; they’re actually flashbacks from my oh-so-halcyon school days.  See, from grades 4-12 my life was a living hell.  Particularly bad were years 4-9, but the rest of my primary school career was, to put it bluntly, fucking shitty as well.

I was in 8th grade, one of the worst years I can recall, riding that bus full of inbred little bastards from Pleasant Lake.  Since we lived way out in the middle of what I would classify a cesspool overflowing with scumbags and morons, our bus ride to school was approximately 45 minutes long.

In other words — adequate time for attention whoring little assholes to find ways to amuse themselves at the expense of others.

I sat as close to the front as I could.  This was my general seating philosophy – try to immerse myself as little as possible; board and unboard the bus as quickly as possible with as little interaction as possible.  Why?  Because I had no friends.  I was new to this school this year, was awkward and gross looking, and had basically nothing resembling social skills.  I was fun to make fun of.

I sat quietly by the window in the 2nd seat on the door side of the bus.  I kept to myself, watching the boring scenery pass as my dread for the day ahead ballooned the closer we got to school.  The popular little boys and girls were laughing and making fun of pretty much everyone who wasn’t part of their clique.  I slid down in my seat hoping to remain invisible and anonymous.

“Hey!  Hey, you!  Want some oatmeal cream pie?”

Ricky.  That little rat-like punk.

“No,” I replied, barely making eye contact.

More hushed giggling coming from behind.  That’s when a small wad of Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie plopped into the seat next to me.  I turned and glared as I brushed the bit of snack cake to the floor.  I could tell they were still tossing sticky wads of this shit because I heard a couple subtle plops on the empty seat behind me.

Finally arriving at school, I quickly gathered my belongings and hopped off the bus.  About  half way to the building a gaggle of these little punks congregated behind me laughing hysterically.

“You might want to check your coat!” suggested that little asshole, Ricky, as he and his blond-haired, Starter jersey wearing, wanna-be black rapper posse ran past me nearly hyperventilating in amusement.

I arrived at my locker and sure enough, a big gob of gooey oatmeal cream pie was stuck to the left shoulder of my new leather coat.  The leather coat that my grandpa bought me for my birthday because he knew how much I wanted one like it and it was ‘too expensive’ for my parents to get for me.

I wiped it off but of course it left a big dark spot on my new coat.  I was so upset, but I don’t know if it was really because of the jacket having a mark on it as much as the fact it tainted one of the few assurances I had at the time that anyone actually cared about me enough to do something nice like take me to a store and buy a somewhat expensive coat that I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to get.  I mean my grandpa is a total cheapskate and did this for me, which I really appreciated, then someone comes along and I guess adulterated the good memory and experience with something so stupid.

I’m a pretty big fan of technology and social networking and so forth, but one thing that is seriously starting to grate my nerves the ‘comments’ section on articles and facebook posts.  Most people writing comments are just assholes; there’s just really no other way to say it.

I was perusing the Cit Pat online the other day and there was an article about our company’s 125^th anniversary coming up.  There was nothing negative in the article at all – its purpose was simply to note and celebrate that we’ve had this company HQ’d in Jackson (a good thing for the local economy) and serving the entire state for that long and how it’s a real milestone.  Well sure enough, the snark starts dripping.  People commenting on how (inexplicably, mind you, since there is no connection whatsoever) the anniversary is somehow another way to siphon money from bilked customers and pad the “big wigs” pockets even further. “Big wig” means person who is employed there, of course.

I love the comments on how people shouldn’t be paid “so much,” because it is just stealing from captive customers, how employees should be downsized, as well as many other sparkly little nuggets of golden insight.  This kind of rhetoric is particularly egregious when they’re referring to a public employee (teacher, police, gov. office worker, whatever).

Basically what it boils down to is you are demonized if you have a job because you “don’t deserve” to be paid as much as you are as judged by some anonymous person who knows nothing about what you or your organization do, or what it took to get there.  You’re lazy, inefficient, and wasteful.  Conversely, these same individuals demonize those who do not have jobs and are on welfare or some other assistance program because they are “lazy bums who just don’t want to work!”  There’s a plethora of unfilled jobs, right, but some people just don’t want to get off their asses!

The cognitive dissonance here is just astounding.  It’s a sanctimonious dash to run around screaming about why EVERYONE else – not you yourself – but everyone else is doing life wrong and should be punished in some way, and you naturally are the one who should determine the method because you know everything.  You can’t tout your litany of complaints about people who don’t have jobs (or “good enough” jobs), and then immediately turn around made judgmental proclamations about those who do!

“Personal responsibility!  No handouts!” they shout at everyone else, but oops…  “it’s not my fault I’m 3 months behind on my energy bill and got shut off!  They sent me a huge bill for my arrears!  It’s not fair!”  Complete and utter hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness…

Right – so I’ve been very bad about updating but the thing is I have no time. My interview went well, I thought. It’s hard to say though. I know they were interviewing three others and I have no idea who they are or what they bring to the table. We shall see… it’s been a week but this whole process seems to take eons at this company so I’m hoping to find out either way this week. Hopefully… I have tomorrow off (my bday gift to myself) but may just have to check my work voice mail to see if they’ve called.
I guess whatever happens, I’ll be fine with it. I’ll likely take it if offered the spot, barring anything like reduced pay or something. But if I don’t get it that’s fine too. Something else will come along…

In other news, I got an MRI last week. It was – weird. I’m just hoping that when the doctor gets my print outs everything will be normal. I’m somewhat assuming my headaches are stress related, but you never know.

One thing I’ve always have a very strong aversion to is having unclean  hands, particularly hands that have just touched food so may be greasy.  Not only am I totally obsessed and OCD about washing my hands immediately – and I do mean immediately – after eating, I have this weird, irrational fear of someone touching me that has recently touched food.

So… you can only imagine that this phenomenon is probably, for me,  the hardest part of being a parent of a young child.  I am constantly following the tot around with wet wipes in hopes that I can prevent food slime from being spread everywhere (especially on me).  It makes me cringe when I let her eat something even slightly greasy – chips, fries?  Oh my god…  Today I took her to Wendy’s for lunch after a long morning  at the mall.  Yeah, fast food is horrible, I know, but she was very hungry and melting down so I needed to grab something quickly.  She got chicken nuggets and a few fries.  I was prepared for the sheen of grease on her hands, of course, but when she grabbed a pile of fries in her little fist and squeezed tightly?  I was not prepared for that.  I think it was actually dripping and she reached out to touch me – on the face!  I couldn’t throw napkins at her fast enough!  I encouraged her to eat faster because I was dying to get her to the restroom so I could scrub her with soap up to her elbows.

And people wonder why I tend to take a massive stack of napkins whenever I eat out…

So yesterday I got a phone call from the hiring manager of that position I applied for over a month ago. They chose me for an interview, along with three others! It’s next Friday morning, first thing in the morning. I haven’t had to interview in ages since I was kind of recruited into my current position, but at least I have time to prepare. So we’ll see how it goes. If I do get an offer, it will be a tough decision to make. I have a really awesome supervisor and team now so it would be hard to leave them, but on the other hand … new opportunities. Oh, and I suppose the impending outsourcing has to do something to do with it (even though they say we are all safe). From my point of view…better to be safe than sorry.

At any rate, I plan on a shopping trip tomorrow to get a new outfit. 🙂

No idea why I was thinking  of this today, but I used to love these things:

Nugget toys from 80's happy meals

And especially these (to eat, not to play with):

90's chicken tenders from BK!

I’m hungry at the moment.  I don’t know what it was about the old chicken tenders from BK that I adored so much.  Could it be that woven basket, comforting appearance of the package?  Or maybe it was just that they were loaded with salt and grease and shit loads of chemicals, possibly plastics and other things that have since been  (hopefully) banned from foods.  Hmm…

Today I was reminiscing with my old supervisor about this horrible woman who started and aggressively spread all over the office a rumor that I was gay with my best friend who also worked there.  Ah, lovely.  Reason it came up is the woman had emailed me recently for something work  related and I mentioned it to N, then that snowballed into how terrible of a person this lady was (is, I should say).  I thought the rumor was pretty hilarious at that time because a) not only was it untrue, it was demonstrably false without question, and b) why would it matter if I was.  I mean if it were true I would have admitted it without any problem yet all these shallow, petty people were scurrying around, eagerly flapping their slack jaws like it was some earth-shattering revelation – a potentially GAY person!  Like, oh my god Becky!

I don’t understand the immaturity of people.  These were all adults.  I was young, early 20’s at the time, but these people were for the most part several years older.  I don’t get it.   Had it occurred to me at the time, I would have come up with a hilarious and elaborate ruse, “proving” my “homosexuality.”  I would have had a great laugh regarding their complete and utter idiocy for falling for such obviously false nonsense.