Memoirs Of J

Is it bad if I drove by a cemetery today and thought to myself “lucky bastards?”

Sigh… I’m too stressed. 🙁

I haven’t heard anything yet on the job I applied for.  This company takes so damn long to go through this process.  The post just expired this Monday, so I’m sure they’re going through the applicants now.  I really, really hope I get it!

There are several things bothering me at the moment but I don’t want to put it here.  Let’s just say that the shit outweighs the good, so there’s a LOT of shit going on.

I applied for a new position at work today.  We’ll see if I even get an interview, but my hopes are slightly elevated!  It’s a spot in budgeting and forecasting.  I have no budgeting / forecasting experience but I’m hoping my master’s in accounting and above average SAP skills will give me an edge.  The posting emphasized someone who is able to prioritize and analyze well, and I can definitely do that so … I guess we’ll see what happens.

I’ve just been so uneasy about this whole outsourcing effort, even though they say we’re all safe and nobody will lose their job.  I guess I believe it for the short-term but beyond that who knows what will happen and I don’t want to spend the next couple of years fretting about it.  I don’t know that I really belong in IT anyway.  I mean I have a business / financial education and here I am in IT.  I like what I do now but with the impending changes who knows if I would enjoy it anymore.

So maybe it’s time to for something new…

I think last week some guy said ‘ugh’ (as in disgust) when his friend almost pushed him into me. I am not in my teens / 20’s anymore so when is this shit going to stop? At some point, won’t I be exempt from this due to being old or something? Am I really that fucking ugly that people have to gasp in disgust when they see my face? I mean I’m not shockingly obese or smelly or something really that striking. So is my face really that hideous?  🙁
I’m already aware that some of my friends will tell me this is all in my head but I think you are incorrect.

OK, I know it’s a locker room and people need to change clothes so may be briefly naked in the process, but holy shit on the slow sauntering and letting it all hang out!  Maybe I’m just more modest than most people because I don’t think you’ll ever find me bent over completely nude at the bench in the front of the locker room, dimpled ass facing door and stretch-marked tits droopingly pounding against my doughy, sweaty stomach as I towel off my thick calves.

I’ve been noticing lately how many people say mElk when they’re talking about milk. A friend told me that it’s just the Michigan accent but I don’t believe this is true since most people actually pronounce the I, not an E. I just saw a Kroger commercial that said it this way! Makes me cringe… When people ask me if I want melk, I secretly want to take their ‘melk’ and throw it at them.

I just want to curl up and hibernate through the entire holiday season.  If I had the means, I would strongly consider taking a month’s long vacation (out of country, of course) from Thanksgiving through the end of the year just to avoid the stress.

I feel kind of conflicted about my… disdain for lack of a better word for the season now that I have J around.  I want her to have fun and be happy of course so I will obviously facilitate that, but on the other hand it is the most trying time of year for me and I simply dread it.  I guess you know your youth is totally gone when you go from anticipation to dread regarding the season.

This is obvious (<===click) to anyone who is not a republican/ conservative, or anyone with a shred of common sense.

A business is not going to hire or fire based on the tax rate.  A business will hire when they need more staff in order to support their business, manufacture more widgets, whatever it is they do – regardless of the tax rate.  You could inundate them with  money and incentives to hire and guess what – they won’t hire unless their business needs actually dictate that they hire.  Business has no moral obligation to society.  They won’t just do “what’s right.”  What they can be counted on for is generating the highest returns they can for their shareholders.  And that’s fine, but it’s complete bullshit to expect a company to do anything in the interest of society as a whole because that’s not their duty.

It’s one thing to not really like someone, but another thing to flaunt how much more you care for others in one’s face.  Sure, it’s my fault because I’m not really sociable, and don’t act “correctly” in certain social gatherings but whatever…you have no idea where I’m coming from or what makes me the way I am.  There are reasons why I’m not all “bubbly” and talkative and they way people apparently prefer and revere.

So… it’s this self-perpetuating beast because I act the way I do then get reactions that reinforce my apparently shitty personality.

I think I should have joined the gym earlier.  We joined the Y about a month ago in hopes of getting into shape.  Much to the annoyance of many people I tell this to, I feel that I need to lose 20lbs.  So C and I decided when we returned from our cruise where we chowed like famished hogs that we would eat better (cut fast food, cut out soda, emphasize veggies in meals, etc) and start working out.

The eating is going decently well, I’d say.  I had already heavily reduced soda before deciding this so that wasn’t too hard.  I just drink water pretty much all the time now.  If it weren’t for my affinity for breads it’d be better…  I guess that’s my biggest weakness.

The gym is going well.  Sometimes we go together when our schedules meet up AND the tot watch is operational, but most of the time I go on my lunch or right after work before picking up J.  I’m definitely starting to tone up a bit.  My strength and endurance are improving, but most importantly I feel like I have a lot more energy so feel like actually working out more the more frequently I do it.

So… yeah.  Should have just bit the bullet and joined earlier because I probably would be sitting here thin and toned right now instead of soft and flabby.  I was justifying it before by telling myself that I would not pay a gym membership when I can just ‘work out at home’ for free.  Of course I always had excuses for not doing it, so it rarely actually happened.