Memoirs Of J

So I rented a new workout dvd from Netflix.  It’s Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and holy shit…  Twenty minutes of non-stop work.    I’ve been so incredibly sore.  Well not so bad today but the first couple of days were bad; I could barely stand up without looking  like an elderly woman with a broken hip.

This can only mean it’s working, and despite being so short of a workout I actually sweated (which normally doesn’t happen with my Fit TV workouts, some of which are an hour long).  So I have high hopes for it.  I really just want a toned stomach.  I think I need to lose maybe 15lbs, tone up, and we’ll be good to go.

I hate feeling like such a fat-ass all winter, unable to go outside to do anything active because it’s so freaking freezing.  I figure I’ll give this a try first to see how it works, then if I still need more I’ll just join the Y or something.  Kind or pricey but it might be cool to have access to a pool 🙂

People don’t need pills, absurdly unsustainable fad diets, or grueling exercise regiments to lose weight.  Instead, all they need to do is watch The Biggest Loser.  Man, that show will kill your appetite as fast as you can say ‘Oreo.’  Not only will you feel like avoiding any food, there’s a very strong possibility that once you start watching these walruses take their shirts off to get weighed in front of everyone, much like a cow at a 4-H auction, you’ll hop on your bike / elliptical / treadmill / whatever else fitness machine you may have and put in some serious cardio!

Whenever I’m riding in a car around town at night, I try to look inside people’s houses in hopes of seeing something interesting.  Hey, if people have their shades wide open, lights on, and are in front of the windows then in my view they want to show off.  My definition of interesting would be oblivious naked people, ugly fat people having sex (or ok, anyone having sex), crazies, or something else non-boring.

So far no luck.  It’s mostly televisions that I see.  If I do see people, they’re usually sitting watching the television.

oblivious fat, naked guy

Work is stressful and busy lately.  Typical year-end crunch stuff.  The difference this year though is that employees are no longer allowed to carry over unused vacation days.  We now have the ‘use it or lose it’ policy.  So in prior years, if you had a deadline at year end, you could forgo using a couple of your days in order to get your stuff done,  and just carry them over.  Now we don’t have that option.

It’s kind of coming to a head now, too.  We have people with 2, 3, even 4 weeks left to use at this time of year!  So basically between that and the holiday time off, they’ll be at work very little for the remainder of the year, thus leaving the work uncompleted.  So if you need to work with any of these people, you’re going to be out of luck until after January 1.  I personally only have 4 days left so will be one of the sad sacks hanging  around work during the week of xmas, but I seem to be the exception.

I think this might be one of those unintended consequences of the company implementing this new policy.  Don’t get me wrong – the policy is pretty standard, really, and I am just glad I get so much vacation time at all.  I usually have no problem using it up, and I try to use it up during summer rather than saving it for the holiday season.  But a lot of people like to save days until the end just in case something comes up that they’ll need to take time off.  Then it gets down to the wire, and they have to use their remaining days because it would be insane to just lose them.  So if you have a heavy workload (like we all do) this time of year when everyone is trying to get projects done before the end of the year, you’re screwed.

Some things just won’t get done that were expected to be done, and that’s the reality of it.  So it kind of made me wonder today whether there was a reason our company allowed for carry-over days in the first place, and now we’re kind of going backwards.

I mean, everyone agrees that most companies say ‘use it or lose it’ and that’s standard.  But we didn’t have that policy for years.  Why?  Maybe it was just an extra perk, who knows, but maybe someone at some point made the conscience decision to allow carry over considering work loads.  The policy would seem to help people manage their projects better, particularly at year end.  If you needed an extra few days to finish something up, no problem.  You could forgo your time off and finish the job, then use up your days maybe after the holidays when things settle down.

At any rate, the whole thought of moving backward reminds  me of politics in the US these days.  I hear a lot of libertarian drivel about free markets and removing regulation, restriction, yadda yadda yadda, and just let things happen as they will.  But we have reasons for regulations, like EPA restrictions.  We have reasons for employments laws against discrimination.  So it really scares me to hears these sort of libertarian, “tea party” ideas that will plop us back 30 years+ or so.

We can’t leave it to the goodness of a corporation’s heart to do the right thing because the free market will punish them if they don’t.  That may or may not be true, but in the meantime significant and / or irreversible damage could be done to us as a society or to our environment.  For example, should we let a corporation get away with lying about the safety of their product, or disguising something harmful ?  Their motive is to sell at the highest margin.  You think Marlboro would put a cancer warning on their packaging if they didn’t have to?  You think they would avoid marketing to children in order to create life-long addicts if they didn’t have to?  Should a nuclear facility be allowed to dump their waste into our rivers and lakes because it is cheap and convenient for them?

It’s just all so backwards.  Yikes…

Wiener dogs suck.

I’m so sick of going into the dining room, pulling my chair out to sit down to eat, and finding a pile of dog sausages in the corner.  It’s that damned Zoe.  She’s so afraid and needy that she won’t even go to the door when she’s got to shit.  She’ll just go squeeze out a few tootsies in the corner when we’re busy with something and not paying attention.

Shit on the floor is bad enough, but now we have a curious toddler exploring every nook and cranny of the house and I am going to be really pissed off if she finds and brings me a turd.  I’ll be even more pissed off if she tastes a turd.  Then we’re going to have a dead dog on our hands…

And Zeus isn’t innocent in all this, oh no sir.  I think the shitting on the dining room floor was his idea, and he’s been caught in the act in the past.  Not to mention his leg-lifting problem, thus the need to wear a doggie diaper in the house because I will not  be one of those people with a piss-soaked smelling house.

And people are always incredulously asking me why I am a cat person… hmm I wonder.

So I’m sitting here watching Undercover Boss and just had an epiphany.  Well I guess it’s not an epiphany in the truest sense, but it sort of reaffirms a disposition that I’ve more or less gradually built-up.  I guess you could say that the epiphany is that I’ve realized my disposition is the correct one,  without a doubt.

Earlier this week at work, there was an all-IT employee meeting with the CIO.  It was a standard meeting overall – mostly just updates on what different groups are doing, yadda yadda yadda.  But a couple of things happened that really struck me.

First, it started off as a discussion of technology allowing us to do our jobs more effectively and transitioned into an example where she had to drop her father off at the airport since his visa wasn’t renewed or something, so she needed to say bye since she wouldn’t see him for awhile.  But during this, she was supposed to be in some  conference calls so used technology to be able to handle her job responsibilities.

Totally fine – I get it.  She’s at a very high level and I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff going on that she needs to participate in.  But on the other hand… it’s her father leaving the country.  It made me wonder if I’d want to be in that spot to have to attend to work issues all the time.

Then someone asked a question to the effect of “why would we be expected to respond to work requests while on personal vacations?”  First, I didn’t know that we were and I frankly do not known many people who do, other than manager types  Second, the response really got to me.  It was something  like “well, why would you be expected to answer a call from you family while at work – it’s the same thing.”  Yikes… I disagree.  I know this can be highly subjective, but for me personally, work and family are just not on the same plane of importance.

So tonight I’m sitting here watching the CEO of Chiquita talking about who he is and what he does, while his wife talks about how much he works.  He then wistfully ponders all the time he’s missed with his family, especially with his sons who are grown now and it’s all time he can’t get back.   They’re sitting in their mansion during this interview, pictures of their world travels  ( dad holding a cell phone up to his ear in some  photos…), talking about his sacrifices for what they have.

My only thought while watching this is “holy shit.”  I can’t believe people are willing to give up spending time with their kids, attending plays or games or whatever, in exchange for a high salary.  I can’t believe people are willing to always be “on,” having to worry about their work constantly, in exchange for a prestigious title.

All I know is that I don’t want that.  Not saying the job isn’t important – not at all.  If you are at work, you should be focused on working and your work responsibilities.  But it isn’t your life.  It isn’t your priority.  I want to be able to go home for the night and have “me” time, without having to reply to emails or phone calls.

It just seems like the more I think about it, the less desirable a management-type position.  I don’t know…maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I really doubt that even if I were a man that I’d want that.  My dad worked constantly, 60,70, 80 hours a week or more, and for what?  To miss his kids grow up?

Wow, so facebook is apparently a platform in which to air passive-aggressive frustrations and rants for all to see.

I see this practically every day.  People posting these vague, snarky comments that are clearly intended for someone to see.  The operable word is “someone.”  Not every-fucking-one.

I’ve been friended by people from high-school whom I barely (if ever) actually spoke to in school – and I’m almost 15 years out of high school!  Ok, fine.  I guess I can see friending former classmates (despite having ever really talked to them) just for the sake of being classmates.  Whatever.  My problem is that it’s these people who are the worst offenders with the whole sharing of personal vendettas on their facebook status for all to see (and if you’re me, roll your eyes at).

Needless to say, I promptly unfriend people who do this.  If I am not your real-life friend and haven’t spoken with you in years, then obviously I don’t care about your baby-daddy dramas, rehab stints, or family feuds.

Anyway, I digress.  The reason I’m thinking about this tonight is because my sister passive-aggressively posted a small rant as her status today in regards to a party that her kids were not invited to.  The problem is she knows the person responsible for the party invites is on her friend list, so would obviously see the complaint and know it was about her.  Obviously, right?

The thing is, I fully agree with my sister’s perspective on the situation.  Her point was completely true and everything she said is fact.  However, why bother putting it there knowing it will elicit a defensive response?   I don’t see the point.

Being pointless is one thing.  I read pointless things all the time, and it actually has a certain degree of entertainment value, but the person involved in the discussion (for lack of a better word) cannot fucking spell or write a coherent sentence to save her life.

So please – if you’re going to have a public argument or discussion, please do so with people who understand and use proper English.  Thank you.

Don’t believe me?  See for yourself…  This is completely devoid of punctuation or coherence.  There are numerous misspelled words.

For real

J returned home today and I am so happy. I missed that little peach and her smiling plump little cheeks! I can’t stand being away from her. It’s weird.

We had to stop at Lowe’s and Kroger today and she grinned at everyone, exclaiming “hi! hi!” I really don’t know where she gets her congeniality. It’s not from me, that’s for sure. But I really don’t think it’s from C either… even less likely it’s from him than me. If that’s possible. And I don’t know that it is.

Some words that have probably never been used to describe me: friendly, sociable, outgoing, perky, approachable.

But anyway, back to my peach. 🙂 She’s hilarious. I gave her some ravioli today for dinner. I handed her a spoon. She examined it for a second, picked up a ravioli with her finger, then placed it on the spoon. She slowly lifted the spoon towards her mouth, then suddenly she grabbed the food off the spoon with her other hand and shoved it violently into her mouth. Then she tossed the spoon aside and continued to ravenously shovel pieces of pasta into her mouth, hand over fist. She finished her entire bowl of pasta within a couple of minutes.

We may have future issues with her lack of table manners…

Tonight when I was giving J her bath, she started eating the bubbles.  I mean like devouring them ravenously.  Sure, she didn’t eat her dinner so may have been hungry for  a snack, but soap?

It’s not the first time she’s eaten soap bubbles  (or other weird, non-food substances for that matter).  If the bath water is particularly bubbly, she’ll cup the bubbles in her hands, gleefully flinging them around the tub.  After several minutes of just touching and flinging her bubbles, she’ll decide to shove a fistful of them into her mouth.

You’d think that soap bubbles would be bitter and poor-tasting.  I’m assuming that they are, but I’m honestly not about to taste them.  I’m not that interested in knowing…  So does she just really like bitter, disgusting flavors?  Perhaps… she has chewed on a lemon before, and this week at Red Lobster she actually ate part of an onion on her own volition.

Maybe she’s trying to tell me she disapproves of the meals I prepare?  I think they’re usually ok, but maybe they are not meeting the tot’s standards.  She barely touched her dinner plate today, except for grabbing fistfuls of chicken to throw to the dogs.  She tasted a green bean, but it was promptly regurgitated, then ended up a green slimy blob on her shirt for me to clean up.

After careful examination and analysis, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 most irritating things about MT.  Here’s what made the cut, in no particular order:

1. MT’s breath is rancid.  Hint:  brush your damn teeth, then use some Listerine!  Hell, you may even want to invest in some doublemint or something…
2. The way MT will rub his/her eyes and they make this squishy, disgusting sound.  Sick… I don’t need to hear your apparently excessive eye fluid squeaking around in there.  It makes me want to vomit!
3. The way MT will lean back when sitting while extending his/her arms up, hands laced behind the head.  First, everyone knows this is a classic posture of superiority or dominance, and … just no.  That makes me laugh out of pity and disdain.  Second, it reminds me of a position in which to receive a BJ which is just another horrifying image.
4. The relentless stuttering and stammering when flustered or confused, which is quite often.
5. The total lack of memory and retention.

Pretty much