Memoirs Of J

Well as much as our dogs, Zeus and Zoe, drive me completely batshit insane, now that we’re thinking about finding them a new home I’m feeling a little nostalgic.  I hate the incessant barking, whining, digging up the yard, Zeus having to be constantly watched because he’ll pee in the house, and Zoe’s skittishness.  I really loathe that stuff- it angers me severely – but now that we’re seriously contemplating finding them a new home I can’t help but reflect on the fun times (as infrequent as they were) they brought us over the years.

Zeus is fun to play with because he gets so intense.  He loves to eat stuffed animals, especially ones with a squeaker inside.  He’s so tenacious about his play.  When he was -ahem- less heavy, he’d clamp down on his rope or stuffed duck and we could actually lift him off the ground, him hanging there by his mouth.  He’d hang on for as long as he could, growling quietly while we laughed and encouraged him to hang on.

Oh and I can’t forget about the RC racecar.  That thing goes 20 mph and can turn on a dime, meaning there’s no possible way he could ever catch it.  But he tried with ever fiber of his being!  He wouldn’t give up, running at full speed all over the parking lot trying to catch that little car.  Sometimes I thought he was panting so hard that his heart was about to stop!

And then there’s Zoe.  She’s always been a pain in the ass, let’s be honest here.  But since she is so needy she makes a great lap dog.  When I was having a rough time emotionally (and I mean very rough time) a couple of years ago I’d let Zoe sit next to me on the couch.  She really did make good company when I was sad and visibly upset.  She’d just cuddle up next to me and lay calmly, looking at my face as if she knew something was wrong.  It’s weird to say, but when there was literally nothing else to comfort me, there was Zoe doing the job effectively.

It’s unfortunate to say, but all the fun times with the dogs came before Julia.  Now we simply don’t have the time to devote to them anymore between jobs, Julia, and attempting to have at least a minuscule slice of “me time.”   Lately it’s been ‘put them outside,’ or  barricaded in the laundry room so we don’t have to keep constant tabs on them.  When they’re out Zoe is harassed by Julia, the overzealous and excited toddler who still doesn’t know how to handle anything gently.  Zeus growls and gets snappy, and we can’t risk him biting Julia.  They need attention that we’re just not giving them.

So I don’t know what will happen… are we really going to do this?  I guess we’ll see, but either way it’s going to be hard.

Christianity reminds me of when you’re trying to get out of a conversation with a used car salesman.  You tell him no, you’re not interested in buying today – maybe you’re just browsing.   You tell him why with concrete reasons.  Your current car is fine, you didn’t find anything at the lot you like, you didn’t find anything you can afford – whatever.  All good reasons to walk away.  But that salesman keeps retorting with pleas and “reasons” to give him more time, to listen to his pitch and give him a chance to sell you a car.  And it’s almost pathetic in a way that this guy basically throws himself at your feet in desperation or how he may even resort to bullying tactics to persuade you.  No matter what you say he has a comeback, and each comeback is more absurd than the last.

I was listening to a program online today where a caller and the host got into a discussion about religion and whether God exists.  The host asked the caller if he believes the earth is literally 6,000 years old.  The caller danced about, dodging the question before eventually conceding that it’s a matter of interpretation and he doesn’t actually believe the earth is this young.  Basically the conversation devolved into the caller being unable to really articulate his position at all, eventually claiming “well you just have to have faith – there is no evidence, and that’s why you need faith.”

I mean that’s the most absurd and desperate conclusion you could come to – faith?  Just believe something because you want to or because it is popular?  How could anyone think faith in anything is a virtue.  How can someone be talked down until they eventually come to the conclusion that their position is unfounded, yet they don’t want to abandon it so they throw faith out there as the last defense.  You can’t refute faith.

If there were a God, then why wouldn’t it reveal itself without having to rely on faith, and beyond that why would it intentionally mislead or misrepresent what we see in the natural world?  That’s just evil.  Wouldn’t it be more virtuous to base your conclusion on the evidence presented and stay honest to yourself, rather than deny scientific facts?  It seems to me that keeping faith in some God and the bible – literally – despite all contrary evidence is just sycophantic.

I get so disgusted when I see some fat cow pull away from the drive-through and immediately start stuffing her (or his, let’s be fair) mouth.   A ravenous chomp into a cheeseburger, grease and onions and shit smearing their face, followed by a fistful of fries shoved down their gullet- all before the car’s rear bumper passes the ‘thank you, come again!’ sign.  It’s gross.

My thoughts on fast food – it’s tasty, I’ll admit.  I love french fries as much as anyone.  However, it’s not something to eat regularly if you have any self-respect and dignity.  Now if you are so starved that you can’t wait until you get back home before eating, then just fucking go inside the restaurant and eat your meal sitting at a table like a civilized person.  Don’t pathetically shred the bag apart and stuff your gluttonous face as soon as it reaches your hand through your car window.

If this resembles you, be ashamed.

I’m often asked why I don’t readily jump into debates or discussions, particularly in regards to politics and religion.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I’ll never get involved, especially on the topic of religion when people are barfing up flat-out lies and falsehoods.  I can’t help but correct them even though I realize it is a futile endeavor.  But unless it gets really blatant I tend to keep to myself even though I obviously think my position is correct.  I try to keep logic and reason on my side.  Evidence and facts need to be considered in order to form a defensible position.

The opinions we form on the topics of politics and religion, however, aren’t necessarily based on logic.  In fact, I’d say that for most people these are the most emotionally charged of topics, and therefore people’s opinions generally are NOT based on logic whatsoever, but rather on emotion.  And for this reason, I choose to avoid these debates.  When someone is emotionally invested in something, it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a few facts and figures or logic to sway them.

There’s no point in trying.  Let me say that again – there is no point in trying to change someone’s views on religion or politics.  It’s never going to work.  For these topics, an individual must come to their own conclusion.  Oftentimes, their conclusions are completely false (for example, humans lived among dinosaurs or Obama is a Kenyan) but there’s nothing you can do to convince them of this.  Science, evidence, facts, logic…. they don’t matter.  If someone really wants to believe something, they’ll believe it no matter what you present to them.

It’s a gradual process to change your views on either of these matters.  I mean nobody ‘taught’ me to be an atheist (quite the contrary in fact, with the Catholic schooling and societal pressures and expectations to be of faith), it just happened over time as I questioned the validity of Biblical teachings and researched it for myself, eventually determining that none of it made sense and was totally ridiculous.

Similarly, my views on politics have gradually evolved over just the past few years.  When I was still in college, I firmly believed in Republican ideals (fiscally, rather – I’ve always considered their social views to be archaic and disgusting).  I would argue vehemently against welfare, unions, progressive taxation, you name it.  But the thing is, the more I learned about each of these things the more I understood the ‘big picture,’ and that some of my views were based on inaccuracies (for example, welfare isn’t even close to being full of queens sitting in the lap of luxury for a lifetime on our dime – evidence just doesn’t support that claim, yet it is widely touted as ‘fact’).

No, the so-called liberally biased “lame stream media” didn’t  come along and pour the socialist pink commie kool-aid down my throat to transform me into ‘one of them.’   I just gradually shifted on my own.

Here’s the secret –  It’s a willingness to challenge one’s own views and look openly and candidly at the opposing side(s), and re-evaluate.  You can’t do this for someone else, so why waste your breath trying?  Correct factual errors, sure, but other than that you’re wasting your time and energy on an impossible task.

Why is it that no one seems to see that far right ‘libertarian’ style ideology is just as insane as far left ‘commie’ ideology?  It’s crazy.  Most rational people see communism as something that, in theory, sounds great.  Everyone has everything they need!  Somehow everyone freely and willingly contributes per their abilities.  But in practice it’s impossible to succeed.  Isn’t libertarianism the same?  Sounds great on paper…   you have complete freedom.  Do whatever you want – most things are legal.  Your money is yours.  No ‘entitlements’ exist.  Each individual has to live with the consequences of his choices.  Whoever said ‘no man is an island’?  That’s not the case here; it’s more like “I’ve got mine, fuck you” and you most certainly are an island.   But of course any sane person can see that this is just as crazy and impractical as communism.  You live in a society.  Some things that are universally necessary to all within a society (roads, schools, medicine, security) are most efficiently managed at a collective level.  The profit and individualist motives do not work here.  It’s impractical and insane to live ‘every man for himself’ in an advanced society.  It makes no sense.  We can’t just all start building our own roads.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m not really about to test my own paint for lead and my water supply for chemicals and bacteria.  Just as people are not going to give as much as they can and take only what they need in a communistic society, people (or other entities, like businesses) are never going to just do what’s ‘right’ (eg, not poison people with bad products or something) because in the long term, the free market will destroy them.

Ok, what is it with some people and the inability to discern between private conversations and non-private conversations?   It happens in personal and in work relationships, and I know it isn’t just happening to me.  Here’s the thing – if I say something to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean I would say the same thing to or in front of others.  So don’t repeat that shit “on my behalf.”

So naturally, when I’m talking with someone privately I don’t expect them to blab what I said to anyone else, ESPECIALLY the person(s) we were discussing in said private conversation.  I’m not saying I am gossiping and talking negatively about people (well ok I do from time to time, but that’s not the situation I’m referring to now), but if I give a candid opinion about something in private, then do not repeat that opinion on my behalf.  If I want someone to know my opinion, I will provide my opinion.

For example (and this is completely hypothetical and fictional) –  say I tell C I do not like my dad’s pork roast and was concerned that he would be cooking this for a holiday meal.  Now if we have dinner with my dad and he prepares a pork roast, then I take none or a tiny amount, C should not interject into the conversation “She thinks your meat is nasty.”  He should say nothing.

Similarly, one should not use information from a private conversation to scapegoat or concoct an excuse when attempting to avoid something.  For example (again, completely made-up), say I tell friend X that I do not want to have our monthly get-together at Y’s house because I hate her cat.  Friend X agrees in private that this cat is f-ing irritating and doesn’t want to be near it either.  Later when discussing a meet-up amongst the three of us, Y suggests her house.  Friend X then says “Well, I don’t really care where we go, but J hates your cat, so…”  What the fuck?  You just don’t do that!

So here’s a tip.  If the sentence you are formulating in your head and getting ready to speak starts with “{person} thinks /doesn’t want / likes / doesn’t like / some other verb, then just shut up and keep it to yourself.  You probably have very low E.Q.  Go read a book and develop a filter and some tact.

• How people can eat runny eggs.  Regular eggs are revolting enough with their horrendous taste, odor, and texture, but runny yolks remind me of an ass oozing with radioactive yellow diarrhea.  There’s no way you should be eating the liquefied innards of avian reproductive parts.

Seriously, this cannot look appetizing to a sane person

• How crazy right-wingers claim to be strict constitutionalists in one breath, claiming that the 2nd amendment guarantees them the right to openly take their bazookas to the grocery store on a Sunday morning because, hey, you just never know when and where an enemy army will strike, yet in the next breath claim that the US is a  “Christian nation.”  What part of  “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” is unclear or open to interpretation at all?  You can’t fervently worship and deify the US Constitution, but choose to ignore the first sentence in the first amendment of the Bill of Rights!  That’s insanity and pure delusion!
  

  F*ck yeah, Amurika!!!

• How some people hate cats.  Cats are basically self-sufficient creatures that provide occasional companionship (as they sleep approximately 22 hours per day).  They don’t need to be exercised, house-trained, kenneled when you go on vacation, nor do they demand your constant attention.  They clean themselves, they don’t bark or jump up on guests, or have excitement piddle.  Now compare this with the traits of another very popular domestic pet.  It’s obvious which pet is superior.  It’s even more obvious that there’s no reason to hate cats, even if you prefer dogs.  Well, unless you only like needy and demanding creatures…and if that’s the case you should just get a baby.  They’re cuter and smell better.
  

  Please don't hate me!

Well it has been a bit of a shitty week.  Our daycare center is shutting down with barely any notice.  Apparently the problem is with licensing and the fact that they were told to replace the carpeting in the center.  Well, this was requested back in September and it wasn’t addressed.  So here we are now, in February with very short notice to secure daycare for our kids.

I feel bad for the parents who have more than one child.  It’s hard enough trying to find a place with an opening in the age group you need, but with two or more?  What a pain.  It’s like all this undue stress that the director caused everyone because of her lack of initiative in taking care of the licensing mandates of her own business.  Four months and not even an attempt to take care of the issue?

I think she must have been looking for an out anyway, so used this as the scapegoat.  Her husband is going through some pretty serious medical problem right now so I’m sure that’s her focus (as it should be), but if that’s the case and this was really an ‘out’ then why wait until 2 weeks before the deadline, then decide to tell everyone you are closing down?  It makes no sense.  If you want out, fine, but just let people know with adequate notice!

Luckily, I’ve enrolled J at the YMCA center.  They had a spot in the toddler room so we took it.  I’m very happy with the center from what I’ve seen and the people I’ve met there so far, so my stress level has normalized and I’m actually pretty excited about her starting there.

The Y has a much nicer facility that includes a kid’s gym, separate walled off areas by age group (good for containing sicknesses!), front door security, and very good staff with low turnover.  I think J will adjust quickly there but I’m still kind of sad about her having to change her routine and get used to new teachers and new kids.

Or maybe it’s more of an adjustment for myself that I’m worried about.  She’s not even two yet.  She’ll probably forget about that other place after walking out the door for the last time…but I won’t.

Facebook is a great thing and all, but I regret ‘friending’ people from high school with whom I have absolutely no desire to keep in touch.  I should clarify – I did not friend them, but was friended by them then stupidly accepted because I’m a tard.

So this one girl (again, someone I may have passingly made friendlies with in high school but basically forgot existed on 6/5/1996 – the day after graduation) is sending out constant reminders on facebook about a 15 year reunion.  She’s sort of scouting who is interested in having one, gathering contact info, that sort of thing.

OF COURSE I want nothing to do with any event that’s going to congregate all of these horrid people in one presumably tiny, dank hick bar because they’re all losers without enough money to afford somewhere nice.  Nothing against the dank hick bar, mind you, but I don’t want to relive any of that anxiety and disdain I suffered at the hands of these cretins.

So naturally I’ve been ignoring all communique regarding this awful event-to-be, but many people are not ignoring these requests.  Why they have to ‘reply to all’ is something I’ll never fully understand.  People are so vain to believe that since they were some popular little queen when they were 17, everyone cares that “yes, I would definitely LOVE to have a reunion!”  hee hee hee!

I’ve been running a fool’s errand.  It’s impossible to actually define, specifically, what makes a person unattractive.  I’m not talking about soft (non-physical) traits like a nasty personality, meanness, or anything like that.  Nor am I talking about things like bad hygiene or being overweight, because while they certainly contribute to unattractiveness, they are things that can be rectified rather easily.  I want to know what specific physical traits make someone’s face (a woman’s, particularly) ugly.

If you google ‘ugly person’ you’ll get some very interesting results.  Porn, photoshopped images, hairless & toothless dogs, and images of fat hairy women in bikinis are a few examples.  But nothing about what would make an otherwise completely normal person ugly is to be found.  Why?

Is it because nobody really has an answer?  I mean beauty is totally subjective.  There’s not really a model of what, specifically, makes a face attractive either.  But we all know Brad Pitt and Scarlett Johanson are attractive.  How do we know that?  We all know Sandra Bernhard is ugly.  But why?  Like what it is about her face that makes it so unattractive?  And at any rate, some people must find her attractive.   I don’t know…  I just know that I don’t think she is.

I’ve heard about face symmetry but don’t really buy into that concept.  What if someone’s face is “ugly” but perfectly symmetrically ugly?!  So I don’t believe that symmetry is the deciding factor; symmetry does not automatically mean attractive and non-symmetry does not mean unattractive.  Maybe it contributes a little bit… I can’t really say.

I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for, other than an explanation as to why I have been referred to as “uglier than dog shit” by Brad M. (those are some appropriate initials, huh?) in high school, for one example.  Here are the facts:  I have never been overweight at all, I’ve always showered, brushed my teeth, and have normal hygiene in all aspects, no scary or mannish body hair.